Im almost 4 weeks post partum and ive been so depressed. Everything makes me cry and im having intrusive suicidal thoughts, a long with overwhelming negativity. Im a stay at home mom of 3 and i feel like im doing everything on my own. I have no friends or family around, no one to talk to except my boyfriend. But our relationship has gotten so boring..we didnt have sex for weeks before the baby was born and now we cant until i get birth control. Our conversations are always the same, i havent even slept in bed with him since the baby has been born and hardly at all during my pregnancy. Im just bored with life in general. Its hard for me to even get the energy to shower, let alone clean the house and take care of the basic things that need done. I find myself just begging for a change, something fun to happen. Some new conversation to mentally stimulate me. I hate being here in this house anymore and dream of running away, or leaving my boyfriend to start a new life somewhere else where i can be free to do the things ive always wanted to. Obviously i wouldnt ever. I couldnt ever live without my sweet children who i love to death, i just dont know why im thinking like this lately. I love my boyfriend too, and i know he loves me, hes trying hard to help me but idk whats even wrong with me to begin with. Has anyone else felt like this? How did you make it stop and get back to your normal self? Heres a pic of my sweet girl who is almost a month old, it seems like im only happy when im able to breastfeed her, i guess because i feel like im actually good for something when I can feed her