I have been raped twice before by a boy I went to high school with. My husband only knows of the first one, but he does know. I posted a little of my story on this forum before. It's called Less Valid, if you would like to get more background. I guess I'm making this post for two reasons.

The first one is that I have really been struggling with nightmares and flashbacks lately. I have been in therapy for over a month now, but my therapist has yet to give me any real tools to process this. My husband triggered a flashback yesterday by sneaking up and me and groping me. He did apologize, he knows the state I've been in lately and was just trying to be a goofball. If anyone has any suggestions, I'm open to them.

The second part is really hard to write. I normally go to my mother in law, because sometimes I really need a mom during this process. Me and my own mom aren't that close. She is like my momma and I'm dying to tell her but I feel like I can't/ shouldn't go to her about this. So here it goes...

My husband and I are having housing issues. We were roommates with my brother, but he has proven that we won't be able to sustain a clean environment for our children. My in laws have offered to let us move in. We have been staying here over a week- although just living room camping, as they haven't cleared a room for us yet.

Here's the real issue- my husband keeps trying to have sex with me. And although I would love to, he keeps trying at inappropriate times where we could get easily caught. I'm not really itching for that to happen. Three times now he has entered my body despite me telling him no. Multiple times. He doesn't finish. But he doesn't stop right away. Normally it takes 2-3 mintues of me telling him no.

I don't want to fight back harder because I'm afraid of drawing attention. My relationship with his parents is very important to me and I don't want them to feel as though we are being disrespectful.

And I don't know how to process this, because just the act can send me into a flashback. But the two times I was raped, I was in immense pain. My husband knows how to make me feel good. But I still want him to stop. I told him no before he entered my body. And kept saying no until he really did stop.

My MIL really is my momma. She is the only person I've told what really happened to me. She is one of three people that know I was raped twice, not just once. She is who I go to with all my struggles with my PTSD from the rapes. I feel like if it was my own mom I could still go to her about this. But since she is his mom I feel like I can't and it's really killing me.