Monogamy a sham?

Question

So my husband and I were watching House of Cards last night (season 1 when its exposed that they have an open relationship) and we starting discussing how odd that concept would be to apply to an actual marriage. Then ironically one of my friends on Facebook posted an article about different types of modern polygamous relationships and I saw a lot of our mutual friends comment about it in favor of the concepts illustrated and discussing how traditional monogamy is not realistic long term (as in over a lifetime).

I am very open minded and I am not here to judge but I am very curious how many modern couples practice some form of an open relationship along with a firm commitment to your primary partner? And how does this work in reality?

Answer

Long term monogamy is realistic it's happening and been happening for a long long time. However, with that being said, it might not be realistic for certain individuals, which is okay. In no way is the generalization that monogamy isn't realistic, accurate.

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Nope...not for us. But to each their own.

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While I won't judge someone for it I see how relationships with multiple partners goes and its not always good.  I would never share my  husband!  He is all mine!  But those I know who have multiple partners it always causes problems.  I'm watching an employee of mine go through it now.  I'm sure if you are both on the same page it could work but when one person is against it problems start!  On a side note I love house of cards!

Answer

Monogamous relationships aren't the norm anymore. My SO and I are in an open relationship and out of everyone I know (long time friends included), very few are in monogamous relationships. Most just don't share this info with a lot of people because it's still not entirely socially acceptable to be in a non monogamous relationship. My own family doesn't know about mine.

But based on recent studies (I think they were 2013-2014 reports?) the number of couples in open relationships outweighed the number of couples in monogamous ones. I heard that the more conservative government parties were actually trying to outlaw open relationships at one point because of this info. But obviously it didn't pass.

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I can't see it ever working for me. However, I have a friend who is polyamorous and I love listening to her talk about it. The concept is fascinating to me, but I am way too needy and really expect my partner to be just that, my partner. I am not into compartmentalizing different relationships and I know I would get jealous!

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I could never be with anyone other than my SO and I would be hurt if he wanted anyone but me. Just not my thing.

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I'm in an open marriage with my partner of 13(soon to be 14) years. 
He, my husband is my primary, and we are very open about everything and anyone we are talking to.
It's bumpy at times, but you gotta be committed and keep a good line of communication open.

Answer

I read "Sex At Dawn" a few years ago and it really changed my outlook on things. It brought up a lot of really good points and made it seem fairly realistic and logical laters in life. I'm not sure if it would be for me and my husband (I have no real desire to be with anyone else) but I can see how it makes sense for other couples. Pretty interesting read...

Answer

House of Cards is awesome and I wish they went into more details about what their open marriage entails..
Monogamy isn't natural,  it is a recent cultural development in human history... Read "Sex at Dawn" Chris Ryan.  This book changed my life/views on non-monogamy thing...

There is no right or specific way to practice non-monogamy,  the basic principles are communication and honesty without judgement or fear. There is still Jealousy and pain in open relationships,  but as long as you talk to all your partners about what is going on you will be able to move past things that come up.

"More than two" is a really good book and website.  The author also has a memoir out called "the Game changer"

My partner and I started discussing polyamory in April and it has been a really hard year,  but I'm now at a place where I see the benefits and I am excited for the options and our future.  Right now neither of us are looking for other partners,  but the openness has been a blessing.  I don't know how to explain it yet..  Sure I have moments where I have doubts,  but all in all I am more relaxed and open,  I no longer have emotional breakdowns when he is out of town or feel like I need to demand attention... I mean a lot of other factors had to do with that,  but opening my relationship strengthened it.