I love my boo so much 😭

I'm really sick I have cystic fibrosis and I'm in the hospital a lot and I needed a lung transplant and he knows that so I'm in the hospital and he came to see me and see if I'm ok I woke up to him next to me and he got me flowers and a teddy bear that said l love you baby and he kissed me on the forehead and said l love you baby girl I have a lot of scars on me from all of the surgery and I don't like my body but my boyfriend loves it he doesn't care if l have scars he still loves me the same way every surgery I get he is always there when l go to sleep and he is always there when l wake up and when l wake up he's holding my hand he always makes sure I take my medical to hopefully get better he's always looking after me 😭

I don't know what to do anymore I can't handle this anymore All of the medical and surgery I don't want to be here anymore I want to kill myself life is too hard for me I can die anytime when my lungs fuck up I will die and my boyfriend doesn't know I'm thinking about Killing myself I hate my life being sick and l hate myself and I dont what to do should I tell him I don't want to be here anymore and I want to kill myself 😭

WHAT TO DO 😭