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My advice would be that if she is old enough to put the pieces together and ask questions, then she's old enough for the truth. As hard as it may be she needs to know it's not right before she just accepts that that is something normal.
Help, how to? (Incest in my family)
I come from a big family. I have three sister and one brother. So this basically what happened between sister 2 and my brother family.
My sister 2 has three sons and a daughter. My brother has three daughters. My sister first son (who I call call Sam) is in a relationship with my brother second daughter ( who I'll call Barb).
Sam is about 25 years old and Barb is about 19. They been together for about 5 years.
I personally keep away from them, and my brother and sister. I have always kept a closer relationship with sister 1 and sister 3.
My dilemma is I have a 4 year old. Now that she is a little older she begins to ask questions. My little one is beginning to put the pieces together. She know barb is her cousin because Uncle is her daddy. She know Sam is her cousin because she know auntie is Sam mom.
My husband and I were not gonna talk about it with her. But the last time we got together as family, she made a joke about her and her cousin were gonna be like Sam and Barb. We didn't really say anything at that time.
Once we got home, we talked to her about how that's not possible. But she keeps asking questions.
I have never heard anyone being in this position themselves. How do I answer her questions. What do I say to her? Our other option is to take some time until we attend another family event.
Thank you.
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I'm sorry to hear about this. How uncomfortable for all of you, especially all the other children in your family. May I ask why the parents are allowing this?But to address your question honestly, your daughter is probably very, very aware. She's not stupid. I would be honest with her. Tell her what they are doing is not "normal" and tell her why. If she is already asking questions, and you dodge them, she'll eventually ask someone else. Who would you like to teach her?
At age 4 she isn't old enough to understand if you were to explain it to her, and won't grasp the concept that her cousins being married is an undesirable union. Small children make comments about marrying their parents, siblings, and other relatives. I'd say leave it alone for now. If and when your child starts asking questions, you can explain it in age appropriate terms.
If I'm understanding this correctly, they are blood related. Which is vile to me simply because most of the time when I hear about incest it's rape related, but this isn't the case here. If your daughter is of enough comprehension to start noticing things then it's time to start giving real information. Preferably that it's not a normal situation.Personally, your familys comfort level with this is concerning to me. I understand accepting people because you love them and they're not hurting anyone, but making misplaced jokes about the younger kids is too much in my opinion. This is not a normal situation. It's not something to be joked about or taught is typical to the kids. So I don't blame you for being annoyed on that note.
I have zero experience in this type of thing but just wanted to say I'm sorry you're faced with this situation. I think you should be as honest as you can, but with a spin for a 4 year old because she likely won't grasp the whole issue with the situation. Hopefully you're able to make it make some sense to her.
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I have a cousin who married his cousin. Yep cousins. Eww. He grew up in USA and she did in Colombia until she was 12ish and moved to USA. They started dating when she was about 17. She is related to his mother's side of the family. Everyone just pretends they aren't related. It's really akward. Nobody supported his decision to marry her. Just make sure she knows it's not normal or culturally accepted now. That their are tons of guys out there and who knows where her future will lead.
I know that here in Arizona it is legal for cousins to marry as long as they sign a form that says they will not procreate. So the ultimate/primary issue is deformed offspring.The secondary issue is teaching morality. The tertiary issue is teaching tolerance and acceptance of others decisions and differing morals. Also years ago I witnessed my younger sister and male cousin(they were about a year apart) exploring and playing doctor/house with each other. Developmentally it is normal to be curious and explore and usually it starts with those that you are most comfortable with ( family members). If you keep the line of communication and trust open with your child and not punish her for confiding in you then you can nip those experiments in the bud and address her questions
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