Is it wrong of me to be planning to leave my boyfriend?
So I’m 30 weeks pregnant. And I’m planning to leave my boyfriend after the baby gets here.
I feel selfish but I know I’m not. Basically over the years we have been together I have been 100% dependent on him. I wasn’t for the first year, but he got a job opportunity out of state and I sold my car to go with him (his suggestion) and then while out of state I had become pregnant. He has changed since I got pregnant and we got back to our home state.
Before getting pregnant we would go out often to bars, get drinks, have fun together. Not going to lie we would recreationally use drugs. But he hardly went out without me, and if he did it was after work for a beer or two with the boys - totally fine with me.
Ever since becoming pregnant I have wanted him to cut back on that kind of lifestyle and he did for awhile, while we were still out of state. When we got back home, that’s when things took a turn. He was good for like the first month but then slowly started slipping away from me. He’s been going out with his friends til late at night 1-2 times a week and still using drugs recreationally probably every couple of weeks when he does go out. I’ve tried telling him I’m not okay with it and all he says is “this is who he is, and he isn’t changing for anyone, and he deserves to be able to go out with his friends and I need to stop being controlling”....
Maybe I am being controlling, I don’t know. But I do know that I don’t want a relationship where my partner is going out drinking til late at night twice a week while his pregnant gf is at home. This was always a boundary I had throughout our whole relationship. Like I said I have no problem with him going out for a beer or two but I’m not ok with him staying out for hours getting wasted.
Anyways.... like I said I have become completely dependent on him. I haven’t been able to work because we share a car and he always has it. But I am breaking. I’m getting a job and taking the bus if I need to. I’m getting my shit together for me and the baby.... I’m wondering if he will change after the baby, and if he does then great. But if not I will leave. I have to start now and get my shit together so I have the option to leave when his behavior doesn’t change. There’s nothing else I can say or do, because he just screams at me and threatens to leave me if I tell him I don’t want him going out.
Is this selfish of me? To be planning to leave, but letting him take care of me while I’m getting my shit together?
And also does anyone have any advice? Was your husband like this when you were pregnant and then changed after baby??
Am I being too controlling?
Am I being selfish for planning on leaving?