Finally divorced... a bitter sweet ending.

I was engaged to my husband for six years before we got married. I had known him since high school. We got married when I was 26 and everything appeared to be okay... although he went on a two week “men’s only golfing trip” with his dad literally a week after we got married. This was apparently an annual thing they did together.... RED FLAG!!!

My husbands father was a porn addict and I had come to find that so was my husband. He had taken it as far as taking the digital frame I had bought for him and instead of using it for pics of our adventures, had saved 800+ pornographic images to a tiny scan disk and kept it by the bed. Every time I would find these things along with texts from other girls, etc., it was always “you’re insecure...” or “I’ll never do it again...”

When I was in the delivery room giving birth to our son, he had disappeared for about an hour IN MY OWN BATHROOM! He nearly missed the birth of our child. I don’t know for a fact, but I can only presume that this was because he was texting (sexting) with one of his flings he met online.

After our son was born, he seldom wanted to be around. The first six months I stayed at home on maternity leave, he started to carpool into work with his mother (yes, he’s a grown man without a mental or physical handicap - as far as I knew). He would leave in the morning and wouldn’t come home until 1030pm to 1100pm. It was devastating.

My first Mother’s Day, he never got me a card. My sister and her husband bought me flowers and we all went to brunch together. On our way back, my husband stopped for gas and it was late at night. I’ll never forget waiting at the stoplight waiting to get back on the freeway and he asked me “are you happy with our marriage?” I immediately responded “of course I am. Are you?” And he never said a word. I felt my heart sink into my stomach. I really believe that was the moment I knew my life was never going to be the same.

The last day I spent in my home, I was in my sons play room with him while my husband was in the living room. He avoided us like the plague. My son was hungry so I went to the kitchen and made him a small sandwich and came back only to find him in the living room at the coffee table with my husband. I told my husband I was planning on going to my sisters house to help her move into her new house and whether he would be joining. He immediately went into a rage and told me to “take my f$&@ing son and get the f$&@ out.” I did just that and never turned back.

I had been to therapy trying to figure out what was wrong with me, trying to figure out how to stop being insecure... IT WAS NEVER ME!

My divorce became a battle over my son. Where he had never cared to be around him before, now all of a sudden he was a priority. I lived with my parents for four months prior to filing for divorce and my husband had only come over at his convenience once or twice a week for ten to fifteen minutes at a time... well, that changed after he was served divorce papers. All of a sudden I was keeping his son from him. Custody = child support, so you can only imagine the acting that went on.

My divorce has taken two years. From being stalked, bullied, and feeling like nobody cares, it’s finally over. I have been through hell and back. 30k+ in attorneys fees later with 3 different t attorneys, it’s finally over.

It kills me knowing that there are women out there that, like me, don’t know their self worth. I had a beautiful home, everything in the world you could imagine, but was manipulated and mentally and verbally abused. NOBODY deserves that. It’s the scars you don’t see that hurt the most.

My son is 4 years old and he’s my world. I live for him.

I saw a quote today and I’m not particularly religious, but it really struck me: “only the toughest battles are chosen for God’s strongest soldiers.” Women are soldiers and we face battles daily in various aspects of our lives. Our homes don’t have to be one. Our homes are our sanctuary.