long post but I don’t really know where to start. My head is so full and I feel so down to the point where I cannot go on like this.

I’m not sure if my issues are mental health related and I’m going through a rough patch or if I need to change my circumstances.

Firstly I struggle to cope with my 1 year old. He’s not particularly difficult, but I don’t seem to be able to measure up anywhere near to his dad. He is absolutely smitten by him.

I’m a stay at home mum who has a small business on the side and I’m struggling to keep little one happy in my mind. I get stressed out and emotional very easily and when little one is crying or grizzling constantly I just want to scream inside. I suffered and am still suffering with PND and i fell like I just cannot cope with the demands of a little one, running my business and running a functioning household...which brings me into the other issue.

I’ve been with my husband for coming upto 7 years. We’ve only been married 3 months and I’m unhappy.

From the start it was me who asked him out , then It was me who popped the question so on and so on.

I don’t think he actually wanted to get married. He had no input at all. Fair enough it’s not really a guys scene but you’d think he would have some type of interest. He had no idea on what the cake looked like, who our photographer was, the menu- nothing. He simply didn’t care because it wasn’t work related. He literally just showed up- late, and said what he had to say.

He told me he only did it to make me happy and he got to see his family for a day. He has a large family at other ends of the country who he rarely sees. They also despise me as I have MH issues. He was too embarrassed to tell them on the fear that he would get judged. But they have practically branded me a psycho. 🙄 they tried to interfere and were telling him not to marry me etc etc. Not once did he stick up for me or defend me.

The thing that gets me is that on our wedding day- supposed to be the best day of our lives- he spent all day ignoring me. Naturally he invited his business/ salesman friends to the wedding. All day I was having to fight for his attention between him and his colleagues that I eventually left him to it. The whole night he was at the bar talking business with them. Having to wait for him to finish his business conversation before I could ask him (for the millionth time) if he could come with me to have our first dance or to cut the cake or whatever. There are no photos of us together on our wedding da and it saddens me.

He works 6/7 days a week long hours. I never see him, and when I do he is the most grumpy, insensitive and short tempered person I’ve ever met. He has a stressful job being a manager but hes not like this because he’s had a bad day at work. I feel like if I want to talk to him I have limited time and am only allowed to say things that would please him. I genuinely feel like an employee who’s in the bad books!

He will not participate in anything family related or book time off to spend with me and his young son, but as soon as his colleagues want to go to the pub he’s there. He’s boring and not spontaneous in the least. He comes home normally late, eats, watches tv and goes to bed. That’s it. Every day.

I tell him that I’m suicidal etc and how I feel and he simply doesn’t care. There was a time I called him at work in floods of tears that I wanted to take my own life and he told me I’ll have to wait Tillche comes home as he has an appointment in half an hours time :(

He pays most of the bills, but I look after the house and baby etc- so very traditional. He has told me that he didn’t want me to work. We had an argument and he told me he wanted to divorce me because I don’t work!?! 1) I’m a stay at home mum, not through choice and 2) I have a small business (which he thinks is totally irrelevant). Any money I earn from my small business I put back into it. This month I’ve given him £400. I don’t scrounge off of him. I pay for things that are for me and baby etc and he had said that he will pay the bills. He does literally nothing. He doesn’t even know where we keep clean towels or where baby’s sleep suits are kept etc 👀🤦🏼‍♀️ he pays for my car etc but I think he feels like he owns me in a way idk. It’s always been like this that he has been like a father to me. Not sure if this makes me feel like I’m dependent on him and that I’d be lost without him? Sense of security I guess.

He lied to me about some debt he was in. £20,000 worth. He kept it from me for a couple of years until iaccidentally found out while he asked me to go through his statements to find a payment. We spoke about it and told him I could help him pay it off. Anyway few days later I jokingly said to him that I’d seen a documentary about ladies who sit in inflatable animals for lots of money. He took this quite literally and it went from the though that I could do this to he wanted me to meet random people for sexual acts..... I told him I didn’t like the idea but if it made him stop being angry all the time that I would help out :( he was asking me how quickly I could clear it off and that I had to do whatever means necessary to earn the most amount of money :( not being funny but who would essentially pimp out their wife to clear debt that they lied about :( made me feel like shit.

Obviously I put my foot down and nothing happened.

It’s just the general feeling is being stuck in this rut of feeling emotionally numb and unhappy and just longing for somebody to be nice to me and show that they care. I just want to run away and not have to deal with anything anymore. There are so many other issues but it’s already long enough :( Part of me wants a divorce but part of me truly loves him.... what do I do?