My husband is fucking crazy.

I always thought I had good sense in my head to ever be in such situation in my life and would have called any woman crazy for putting up with half the things my husband has put my through.

But I’m realizing I’m not strong at all, in fact, I’m weak and insecure to put up with him, I obviously don’t think much of myself that I am beautiful and smart and deserve so much better.

Back story,

Husband emotionally cheats. He says he isn’t sure if he loves me or her but thinks he is falling for her. I blamed myself for all it and thought if I could have done this and that, he wouldn’t have. I was so broken I basically asked for him to give us second chance. He did but turns out he never ended the relationship until 3 months later after I saw his msgs to her with my own eyes.

I still stayed and he said he would change and end communication. He ended the relationship but keeps talking to her. She is very sick and lives in another country. My husband made a gofundme for her for his friends to help. He is asking for 40,000. People gave about 300$. He even has pictures of them together on the gofundme.

I finally left because the stress of thinking they are still communicating was just unbearable. I went from 120lb to 100lb.. when I left he started pursuing me even thou he hated me when I lived with him. It felt good to be wanted after being pushed away so much. He promised that he just wants to help her with treatment and leave her alone and that he does love me but got caught up helping her and her family... I do really love him and told him I can’t live with him while he is dedicated to her. We still hang out here and there and it was beautiful like we are new lovers again. I didn’t want to move back until all this stuff is cleared.

Now he says he is too lonely and how could I have left him. He says I am loosing him because I don’t show interest, I don’t cook for him etc...

What a fucking idiot. I really believed my husband is a psychopath. And I am even crazier for putting up with him this far.