Long post. Here goes nothing..

She does not live with us full time. She’s been here since July 1st and goes back Aug. 1st.

Let’s start from the first real incident. We (my husband, myself, his daughter and our son) were planning to go to my parent’s house to swim last weekend. This had been planned two weeks ahead. By the time I was near ready to go the day of, his daughter decides to put her laundry in the wash and says she has nothing else to wear. (She has said she doesn’t have things to wear on previous occasions so my husband always says “we’ll stop somewhere and get you something” so I feel as though it’s become an easy manipulation for her to get new clothes.) So I became extremely frustrated and asked my husband why this wasn’t taken care of the day before when we knew we were leaving that day. He then became defensive saying they don’t need to go so I agreed if that’s what they wanted to do then fine but I was still going. Fast forward to us driving to my moms. Car is tense but no one was talking to each other. We get to my moms, I unload my son and groceries, and she gets out of the car and goes and stands in my parents front yard. I ask, “are you coming in?” (She has her beats headphones on) and shakes her head no. I said “why not?” And she said “I don’t want to.” So I said that’s disrespectful. We all agreed to come have fun and swim, you need to come in.” And she ignored me. I repeated her name 3 times with no answer. At this point I was extremely hurt and felt very disrespected. So I went inside and told my husband that I will call them an Uber and they can go home.” He says to leave her out there and that she’s not disrespecting anyone. So I cry feeling like my husband doesn’t see why I feel disrespected (I’m also 6 weeks pregnant at this point) so I went to be alone by the pool for a while where my dad came and talked to me. I calmed down and she had come inside but we did not speak to one another again. Then my husband (who had been picking at me by sliding snide comments in his sentences all day since this happened) all of the sudden asks to take the car to buy cigarettes. He knows I hate cigarettes and that he keeps bouncing between quitting and not. So I said no. He then proceeded to call me immature and a child in front of my entire family. I ask my mom to watch our son and I take the two of them home. My husband said all things negative about me the entire ride home and that he “doesn’t care anymore.” So when I got home, I calmly put my headphones in, did the dishes, and did laundry while he (knows I do not allow smoking of any kind in the house) proceeded to roll up a joint and smoke throughout our home and blast vulgar rap music (because he knows I don’t like all the curse words) all while his daughter was sitting in her room. So once I finished the chores I had done, I stepped out back and cried. At this point I am so hurt and at a loss that I didn’t know what else to do. He came out and started rubbing my back like he might be sincere to turn around and tell me in other words that I’m overreacting. So I stopped him there, put my headphones back in, packed my bag and went to stay at my moms. I stayed for the night and next day. When I went home, I said I needed space. He agreed to do so. Fast forward two days (we just kept our distance from one another). He texts me during the day and says “I know you need space but I miss you.” We kind of texted back and forth about how we felt about everything and that we should all sit and have a discussion. So I expected it to happen that night. Come to find out she comes home from her karate class in a crap mood and he doesn’t want to talk tonight. I was frustrated as I was planning out all I was going to say etc. but I said okay and I got ready to go to bed. Fast forward to the next day. I left work to head home and cried. I still feel at a loss and like I’m losing my husband because he refuses to see why I feel this way. So he noticed when I got home I had been crying so he asked what was wrong and I said I just want to be left alone, I’m tired of all of this. I should have used this as my opportunity to talk and I see that now but I felt so hurt that I would just break down and not say all I needed to. So he flipped out. Saying “it’s the same sh*t everyday. You want me to kiss your ass but never want to listen. You and my daughter are the same, everything is fine throughout the day and then you come home and act shitty” And kept going more and more and I had enough. I am ashamed to say that I told him I hated him. He rebutted with “you hate yourself”. I then went and laid down with our 7m/o son while he took her to her lessons. He came back an hour or so later without her and packed her a bag to take to his aunts where I guess she will be staying for the remainder of her visit. He cried. So now I feel like the asshole and he isn’t letting me forget it either.

At this point I do not know what my options are because I feel extremely disrespected and disappointed in my husbands reactions. I don’t expect him to choose between the two of us but I expected him to punish bad behavior. I know I’m wrong in saying I hated him and even wrong for saying they can get an Uber that day. But I will not tolerate disrespect to me nor my family and that’s where he says there was no disrespect. I’m hurt. I’m exhausted. I’m dealing with pregnancy hormones and morning sickness along with this drama. I have bled a few times and have no answers why as this didn’t happen with my first pregnancy. I’m lost. Any help, advise, venting, etc. I don’t know what else to do.

UPDATED :

We all sat and had a conversation about how everything has been going and honestly I feel so incredibly better not that we’ve gotten everything off of our chest and out I. The open and can move past this.

I still need to have a 1-on-1 with my husband about our actions in front of the children and in general on both sides. Will update when that’s accomplished! (If you still care to know 😂)