This could trigger some people, warning emotional

It had been two weeks since I had gotten any evidence that you existed, that my body had caught you in my womb to bare life. I knew right away that the line was too faint for too long and I didn't have enough nourishment your soul needed to finish through on this journey to create you. I searched every video possible to convince myself that you were sticky. That you were healthy.

Your daddy and I were moving, I lost my everyday vitamins, I was going to just buy prenatals if you stuck with me. I'm wondering now if it should have bought them even before the line became dark, maybe you would have stayed.

It was the night of the full moon, I was 4 weeks late. The day before the line was there, it was getting darker. The next morning the test line was so white it interrupted the control line, I just tried to look at the test like it was invalid. But I knew. I knew you were barely holding on, I could just feel it. I was showering, holding my stomach. I've always believed in souls if I believe in nothing else.

I spoke to an unknown soul, an unknown gender, an unknown heartbeat.

"I can tell you are weak, I can tell you are making the decision to choose us as parents. Whether you have just been taking your time or have been fighting to hold on I want to remind you something. If right now is not the time you're soul wants to be a part of this family I will still love you regardless if you stay. Even a few days and weeks being created inside me does not mean I don't love your soul any less than I would your siblings soul or yourself if you decided to come back to us when you're ready. I am and was so lucky to have the opportunity to love you as my child made from love no matter how long you were a part of our family. I will love your soul regardless if you stay or leave, if you decided to come back again or never look back; I will always forgive you."

For this is a connection and a story of a mother and her children, the ones in heaven still contemplating their next life and the ones who will one day be in my arms. I went to sleep, I woke up bleeding. In the moment I was devastated but now I'm thankful. I'm thankful I was given the chance to see a line no matter how faint, I'm thankful to know it was possible. I'm thankful that before you left you knew how much we both loved you, whether you come back to us or not.

So while I'm in pain, while I'm releasing these fluids and skin tissue and evidence of your faint existence I will mourn.

And when that is over I will continue my life, I will be smart and safe, I will take my vitamins, I will love your father with every ounce in my body and one day I will be given the blessing to call myself your mother.