*I just need to vent, for anyone willing to listen*

What do you do to calm your nerves? The next day or two wait, I don't know how I'll pull through it when my mind has already given me a prognosis. I'm 32 recently married, TTC baby number one with my husband since December. a month before I was meant to schedule with my OBGYN for being unsuccessful, I began bleeding and I haven't stopped.

I had my ultrasounds yesterday, and the tech asked me if anyone had spoken to me about PCOS before. This morning before getting blood drawn, I asked if I should have fasted for the tests because my doctor didn't direct me to nor told me what they were looking for. The tech looked at the paper work only to exclaim " no it's not directed, PCOS bloodwork I see, I recognize the panels I used to work in gyno office". If this is my diagnosis, then it feels like a giant puzzle piece to the mystery of my reproductive life.

But I'm terrified, at not being able to do the one thing I've wanted for so long. I keep looking at my husband and apologizing for being broken, and is he sure he doesn't want an annulment if I just can't give him kids. He just holds me and tells me it doesn't matter, I'm the love of his life and that's all he needs. But I already feel broken or defective. How do you get through it? I haven't even gotten the confirmation, but it feels like it makes perfect sense for everything I go through on a month basis. How do you keep it together?