Its been a month after the guy i was talking to forced himself onto me. I spent the last three weeks with mixed emotions from crying to guilt to anger to even wishing he didn’t do that and we’d work out since he already took a piece of me. He hit me up and said he’s going to be different and respect me etc. i gave him a second chance and we ended up having sex it was consented i let it happen it was just in the moment and i felt like he’d get it from me even if i did say no but I wasn’t actually scared he seemed to be so different from the previous time he was sweet and gentle and we talked for hours before this time but he played me the next day. It’s like i just wanted him to be the person he claimed he would because we had sex im so tired of being used and because i didnt willingly at first give him my body i just wanted it to work i feel so unloved and dumb idk what’s wrong with me. Plus it’s almost time for my period so im praying it comes because the first time I still don’t know if he pulled out bc he wants a kid. Another reason i was so upset idk why i ever thought someone like that would change.. i have no idea why.

I just wanted it to work so bad because I never wanted to have sex and he took the power from me i was starting back my celibacy and got over all my exes and broke soul ties. I get extremely attached after sex no matter how it was initiated so I felt like I couldn’t separate the fact this guy was completely trash from the part of me that wants to make good out of a shitty situation.