So my husband and me got married last August. I do admit we had only knew each other for a little while before we got married, but everything seemed so right. He is very much out of my norm (considering he is white, and I havent even considered a white guy since I was like 15), but he seemed to want everything I wanted. He was ready to settle down, tired of all the games people played, and wanted children. We met in welding school and really hit it off. I told him all the things I would not accept in a relationship, the biggest was watching porn, because my ex was addicted to porn, and he broke me down emotionally and made me feel as if I were not good enough, nor would i ever be. Also my ex would always accuse me of cheating, when he was actually cheating. It was a very toxic relationship and I lost myself.

So I told my husband I wanted to wait till we got married to have sex. I had vowed to myself and God that, even though i wasnt a virgin, i didnt want to have sex with anyone unless we were married. Well my husband kinda played the guilt card on me before we got married, saying things like I must not really love him, and all that, and I ended up giving in and we had sex. I cried immediately after until I fell asleep. Then he would say well it doesnt matter, we are getting married. Also right before we got married I found out he was watching porn, I was devistated, and was so angry. I cried and he apologized and promised he would never do it again. So I believed him. Fast forward, we got married, and I got pregnant in September, everything was pretty good except he was very insecure, he would have a problem with clothes i wore, even though I was completely covered, but if a guy liked at me it was my fault. So in February something told me to check his phone....come to find out he had been watching porn since like November, and then the history was erased before that month, so I assume he got lazy in November and stopped deleting it. I asked him about it twice and he lied straight to my face. It made me sick. He says he lied because he was embarrassed...he promised again it wouldn't happen anymore. So I reluctantly believed him. Then a month later he starts watching videos on YouTube that are pretty much softcore pornm so I've pretty much shut down emotionally with him. I have absolutely no desire whatsoever to have sex with him. It basically makes me feel like im.being molested when he even touches me. I've tried to move on and not be like this, because this is my 2nd child. And I never wanted to have children by different men, and I dont want to disappoint my parents but getting divorced, and I don't want my little girl(6 year old) to feel it's ok to have multiple men in your life and around her. I really dont know what to do...