So, long story short, June 2018 I had a miscarriage around the 12 week mark.

It was an unplanned pregnancy but we were so excited!

I blamed myself a lot. I thought that my body wasn’t strong enough, I wasn’t healthy enough, etc. The usual guilt trips that you give yourself.

Of course, there was no actual reason for the miscarriage. I’ve already carried my now 5 yr old to term without any problems. He’s as healthy as can be. So I know I can carry a baby. But i still blamed myself.

After about 2 months after our loss, we agreed to start trying. I felt this void in my heart. I felt like a piece of my family was missing. We tried for so long. I tracked everything!! But it never happened.

Fast forward to March 2019 I got engaged!! My fiancé and I have been together 3 years. We are getting married August 2020 and we have agreed to stop trying. We decided that we would wait until after the wedding to start trying for a baby. We had a plan!!

and then last weekend I said yes to the dress!!

I’ve also been exercising 4-5 days a week and eating right in preparation for my big day. I’ve lost 12 pounds since July 1!!!! 🙌

So, i have been tracking my ovulation and we’ve been very careful so that we could stick to our plan. But I ovulated late and we had a slip up.

I know that the only sure way to avoid a pregnancy is to use protection but after trying for about 8 months I figured it wouldn’t happen. Lol. Boy was I wrong. All it took was one slip.

So last night I took a test (I haven’t had any noticeable symptoms) but due to being irregular I wanted to test just in case.

I seen a faint line. So I took another test. Another faint line.

I don’t know why, but I sat on my bathroom floor and laughed hysterically. I have no idea what was going through my mind but it was hilarious to me.

Now that I’m done trying and I have a dress to slim down for and an approaching wedding, I’m pregnant? 🤣

So I told my fiancé and his response is “maybe it’s wrong.” 🙄 men...

So I threw on a bra and rushed to the closest supermarket and bought 3 more tests. I came home and tested immediately.

This time my fiancé agreed that he seen the second line. He was in denial and shock. Happy, though.

This morning I took 3 more. Because I’m crazy? Lol

There’s no denying that there’s a bun in the oven.

But this brings me to my actual point.

I’m terrified. What if I lose the baby again?

I’m scared to even move.

And I live in Canada 🇨🇦, where we have free healthcare, but everything is SO backed up.

Example : have gallstones and have been having pain since November 2018. I need to have my gallbladder removed but can’t get in for an ultrasound until January 2020. 😐. I’ve been to the emergency room over a dozen times with gallbladder attacks just to be turned away.

I want to get in ASAP for a dating ultrasound and to ease my mind but I know it will be awhile before I can get in to see anyone.

How did you ladies cope with the fear of miscarrying again?