I just want help

Does anyone know any free anonymous therapy sites?

I just. Really, really hate myself if I’m being honest. It’s just become a casual thing for me. I really just want to give up on trying to be more then what my mother tell me I am. She says that I’m lazy, horrible to be around for my negative demeanor(funny coming from her) and that I’m stupid. I’m starting to think that, maybe she’s right? But I’m only fourteen, and I know that it’s wrong to tell a child these kinds of things. I really just want someone to talk to. I just want someone to tell me if she’s actually a bad mother or if I’m just being over dramatic. It just messes with my self esteem a lot, she’s never said a single nice thing about me. She just. Picks me apart and just makes a big deal out of my every flaw. If I knew a way to kill myself without pain I wouldn’t be here. Plus I feel like it’d be better off that way.

I’m going off topic but if anyone knows any sites can you tell me? I don’t have any money and I know my mom wouldn’t pay for it. So that’s why I’m looking for something free.

I really just want to convince myself that the things she said about me aren’t true. And that not everything is my fault. Maybe it is, and maybe I just need to except it.