What do you do when you have no more fight in you and you just let all of life take you down?

I’m falling and no one can see me I put up the biggest front for the world as if I have it all together and I help everyone with what there going through but when it come to me I feel I have no one to count on my mom is my best friend but she is still my mom and I can’t tell her everything because I don’t want to hurt her or worry her it is just so much going on in my head and I can’t seem to figure it all out I just feel so lost in this world I feel this world no longer needs me I lost so much in the last two years then I ever did in my life and I don’t know how to handle it i’m self-medicating and self-destructing The only reason I wake up every morning because of my five kids and my mother I just can’t put them through the hurt that I’m feeling so I live in this world suffering and no one sees it I’m ready for the end I pray for that day to finely be at peace with no more pain