Does anyone else feel very detached from their pregnancy?

I am 9w +3d with my rainbow (my loss was at 5 weeks in January)

I haven't been to the Dr yet because the 25th was the earliest appointment.

I have taken around 40 pregnancy tests, and I'll probably take more before the appointment.

But I still feel like I'm going to go to my appointment on Thursday and be told that there is no baby.

I feel like, if I don't read the weekly or daily updates, I won't get too attached, and when I get bad news maybe it won't crush me.

I feel completely alone in this. Everyone keeps telling me that everything will be fine, but they don't know that. They can't know that. I'm absolutely terrified.