Ughh why cant we just get pregnant already

I'm not even in my tww and I'm already counting myself out 😭 I hate this! I just want to have another baby so badly. I dont have a pic of my opk tests but I dont really feel like i got a strong positive this month. granted I didn't start taking them until CD 15 which is my fault. I think my strongest +opk was on CD15 by the looks of it tho. i just hope i havent missed it completely. I just want my rainbow baby. I just want my blessing to be here now, but I know it's all in Gods timing. 🙏 praying this month surprises me with a BFP!