The first was hard because of not knowing. The second was difficult because the heart stopped and I carried 2 weeks without knowing , till 8 weeks 5 days

Today July 25th at 2:30 am I delivered my baby girl at 20 weeks 5 days on the toilet at home.

I can not handle another loss. This pregnancy was hell from the start both mentally and physically. I suffered from extreme anxiety and panic attacks. I couldn't leave the house and didn't. Every dr apt I was nervous. After my anatomy scan last week I started to let lose and get excited. My in laws bought the stroller and I started my baby registry.

At the hospital I went on and deleted all <a href="https://play.google.com/store/apps/details?id=com.glow.android.nurture">pregnancy apps</a> along with my registry. I just can't do this.

I've come to accept right now that I may never be a mother.

My husband and I are thinking of seeking help from a therapist.