Stopping the pattern.

I talk in "you,your,us" because im pretending as if im talking to a guy in this story. All of these names are not the real names of the people. I just used example names.

I was hurt for the longest time after 2015. So i ran. I stopped "us" before i fell in too deep.

*******Lets back track to 2013, that was the first time we met. But i was with your best friend, [[LETS JUST SAY HIS NAME IS ALAN]]. But Alan wasnt always good to me because we were still trying to figure out if we were better as best friends or staying together. Not everyone knew that. & you were with your girlfriend at the time. & she was a pathological liar & i knew it from the start. But you didnt; that snake blinded you. Anyways, you & your girlfriend had broken up because yall kept fighting & she was seeing someone else. As a good friend, i tried my best to talk & help you through the breakup. & you lived with Alan. So every time Alan would come over to my house, you would come too because you didnt wanna be alone after your breakup. & i guess you started to notice how alan was getting arrogant and mean to me & how much we argued & then you started to get too friendly with me but it was just pickin & playin i thought. Me & Alan broke up that christmas in 2013. Me & you started just talking because you were a good friend & i appreciated your kindness. Then, your ex crawls back to you & yall are dating again.

*******Well 2014 comes & me, Alan & you are at my house chillin, listening to music and i would be cooking (because Alan & i were best friends before we dated & we promised each other we wouldnt let it mess up our friendship) & that was our normal for months. Then you started to come over when Alan wasnt around. You & your gf had broken up again. & you would like every pic i posted on Instagram & we would stay up till 6 in the morning texting or talking on the phone. I knew i shouldnt have kept it going, but YOU was the one who pursued me! I didnt know any better until i realized we had too much chemistry. But i should have known you would keep the same shit happening. "Back & forth to your Ex". You had been with that girl for so long, you got dependent & you loved her. Blind sided, i did the same shit. Months pass, its the end of August, me & Alan decide we want to live on our own, i was in the process of getting a homecare job & he got a job at walmart. So you volunteer to help. Your mom had a trailer we could all live in, & it was really nice. We all cleaned it up & things started off good until you & Alan got into it. And you moved out. & then me & Alan started to have problems because he got fired & i didnt get the job yet so me & him lived in his truck for a few days until i had enough of his bitching & broke it off with him & i begged my grandparents to let me move back in with them. I got the job, & my grandmother let me rent her camper for $60 every week. I was making enough money to pay my phone bill, rent, & a little extra for something my little brother wanted. My job was like 3 or 4 miles down the road from my house so i just walked to work to save my grandmothers gas. Life was getting easier. Life was good at this point.

(**Not to mention i was trying to save up money for college so i was not a bum😂**)

***Anyways 2015 came & me & you start to talk again. (You & Alan are not friends anymore) but this time you never talked about your ex. I started to come to your house & watch you play the ps4. We would listen to music, talk for hours, or just bullshit about the government, conspiracies, aliens, & other things we use to always talk about. But then one day, we start to text each other & you sext me. & so i sext you back. (There was a lot of lust & sexual tension built up between me & you) but there was a connection between us. & we knew it.

I went over to your house the next day, to tslk about the night before. & WE MANAGED TO HAVE SEX. 🙀😔 I didnt know what to think. I had feelings for you & i wasnt sure if you did or not. So, i stayed a little bit that day & left. & maybe 2 or 3 days later, i come over again & we had sex again. After we had sex, we would just chill. Some days i came over, we wouldnt have sex, we would just lay in the bed after watching a movie & take a nap. One day you came over to my grandparents to spend the day with me, i was bringing you home that night and i asked you, "What are we?" "Are we just wasting time?" And your response was, "i dont know yet, lets just take it slow & see where this goes, lets just chill & stay good friends" . I had fell too fast for someone who didnt want something permanent. Well i thought right. The next few days we hung out, you were talking about how you were texting your ex. She said she was going to move to another state & you said that you were going to fuck her one last time before she left. That did it for me. I broke into a million pieces. I WAS DONE BEING THE SECOND OPTION. YOU DIDNT WANT ME. YOU JUST WANTED TO PASS TIME. So i kept my cool & i left early that day. I cried so much. I never got over you. You & your ex eventually got back together. So, i started talking back with Alan, we werent together but we were talking to each other like we normally would do. I told him about what happened with me & you & he was very understanding. I never kept anything from him. We were best friends before anything. But i still had feeling for you.

I couldnt stay in the same city as you. I had to move. I couldnt take that chance to see you with your ex.. You played me really good. Everytime i thought you wanted me, you ran back to your ex. The same pattern over and over.

***2016 came, my BFF [[LETS CALL HER REBECCA]] calls me & tells me that she moved back from south carolina and is living 3 cities away with her boyfriend of 2 years & they are throwing a party & she said she was coming to pick me up the next day. Well long story short, i met someone & i moved there. 3 cities away from YOU. I still thought about you & how you were doing. But i had fell for this new guy [[LETS CALL HIM WILL]]. I fell for Will. He was everything & did everything you werent & didnt. Country boy, mud riding, beer drinking kinda guy. I think thats why i grew to like him so quick. He was everything i wasnt use to. & i grew to fall in love with him quick. BUT i still had slight feelings for you. Well, you reached out to me around christmas 2016 & stupid me finds my way back to your city. & you know what i did. I knew my worth! I ran back to Will! & I HURT YOU this time. You didnt have that control over me anymore. I gave you a taste of your own medicine! & this is the first time since Christmas 2016 i have thought about this whole situation.