This past month for my family has been extremely rough.. it started back in June when I had a miscarriage. I spiralled into a deep depression which led me to be hospitalized for suicidal thoughts. That alone was rough. They almost didn't let me see my son for a whole week.. then they put me on 4 different meds which only made matters worse. Once I left the hospital, I felt okay... Numb, as a lot of heavy psych meds make you feel, but okay... Then the severe mania started... I started to lose my grip on reality. Nothing felt real and I felt like I could rule the world and nothing would bring me down. I started spending tons of money, maxing out 2 credit cards, traded in my car for a new one which tripled my payment, and going on impromptu road trips and weekend trips. I couldn't comprehend any possible consequences.. everything felt like it was going great.

Fast forward to today... I stopped taking my meds because I started to realize what it was doing to me.. and now my extreme mania has died down and I am back into a depressive state.. I now can see all of the mistakes I made. I now see how much I am in debt and how much my monthly bills are. I can barely afford any of it.. I can't even afford to put food on the table this month and I'm praying to God the food in my apartment lasts me until next paycheck.. I dont know how I'm gonna feed my child if I run out of food... I am so ashamed and embarrassed.. how could I let it get this bad?. my mental illness did this to myself and my family...

I ask for positive thoughts and prayers that we make it through this. I'm praying to heal from this and work hard to make things better for my son.. he deserves the best and I wish I could give him the best. I need to do better 😢