I’m sitting here unable to think of anything but my baby.

Tonight I finally let my husband give the baby a bath and feed him. I didn’t have enough pumped so I added formula to a half pumped bottle.

I’m so afraid his tummy will hurt from the formula. He’s not slept well but he’s so big and healthy and happy all day and has no gas issues! I’m worried even one formula feeding could disrupt his gut health.

It’s tearing me apart. Bathtime is our special time, bedtime feed and cuddle is my favorite, snuggling my sleepy baby. I get the baby all day, why is this so hard!? My husband deserves time with him and i deserve time to myself and yet I can’t relax. I am forcing myself away from my baby and I am so sad. I feel so wrong and selfish but I can’t help how I feel. I need to practice letting my husband help but I am struggling.

I might have some form of postpartum anxiety or something. I hope forcing myself to let this happen more and more will fix me.