stupid rant

do you ever feel useless, worthless, and just an absolute waste of space. each day when i wake up i wonder what i’m even doing alive. what’s the point of school, and finding out what i want to do with my life if i’m going to die one day. i feel like i have no purpose to anyone. for example, my friends created a group chat planning going out together, yet i wasn’t added until hours later and the person who i thought i was best friends with didn’t even notice, it took someone else noticing that i wasn’t added. i feel like no one cares about me. i’m always there for everyone yet when i need to talk to someone no one answers me or provides me with the listening and support i need, instead i get told ‘is it really that bad’ or they change the subject. my parents always think the worst of me, that my grades aren’t good enough (which they are - i’m getting higher than average grades), my behavior isn’t good enough, i don’t tell them enough (which i do, i only don’t tell them things when i know they’ll get mad at me). it’s insane the amount of pressure they put on me to be the most perfect person, it’s impossible. they expect me to do at least two hours of homework each night, cook dinner, and spend time with the family watching tv. their expectations are too high and it’s honestly making me want to move out, fun fact that’s the main reason i don’t spend money is so i can afford a place to live as early as possible. when i look at universities i try and find ones which are at least three hours away making it impossible for me to live at home. i cannot see myself as an adult; they may be normal but when i think of myself with a husband, a house, a full time job, or kids it seems like a blur. i don’t get how i could do all that. i just want to give up. i literally only have one person who ever listens to me without getting defensive and making themselves the victim, but at least i have that one person. i just need them to realise how important they are to me, they know that they’re important but they have no idea how special and important they are to me and how much more my life would suck without them.