I hate myself, I know it is something that happens usually with no rhyme or reason but people telling me statistics isn't helping me hate myself any less.

I don't want to talk to anyone about it especially my family as the day before this happened my dad ended up in ICU due to bike accident. I never told any of them I was pregnant anyway and I live in a different country to them now so the pregnancy was on a need to know basis anyway.

I'm frustrated, angry and so upset. I have no idea how to handle this situation. My husband has been amazing through all of this, he's just trying to be strong and positive for the both of us.

I'm just here, off work for a week or for as long as I need. I had the surgical procedure yesterday as I couldn't face waiting to see if my body would sort itself out.

I have one room in my house now that I won't go in to as literally only on friday did I buy my first baby thing as I'm was finally getting excited.

Saddest thing, this baby, my baby, died almost 4 weeks ago and no one knew, no one could tell me. There was me, planning for all the happiness in the world after what seemed like a lifetime of trying and then too bleed just so heavily, for the first time during this so called "healthy pregnancy"

I'll repeat, no amount of statistics will make me feel any better.

Im over here, fighting for choice for the other women in the country and here I am being stripped of mine too.

I wish there was answers but there aren't.

My husband says we'll keep trying but I don't know if I can, I cannot go through this heartache, heartbreak again.

Im sorry for this post. I don't expect any comments, I just need to write how I feel for one minute as I cannot bring myself to speak with anyone about it with being reduced to tears and almost vomiting.

I'm sorry for any other ladies who have been through this and especially the ones that have been through it more than once. You are stronger women than I am.