I will be the first to admit that I struggle with my temper. It has caused problems so I am doing what I can to work on it. All the anger management classes in my town happen within my work schedule and i cant seem to find a therapist that works with my schedule and takes my insurance. I'm still on the hunt but right now I'm working on it solo. I can see progress I am making and I'm proud of myself for it. When I feel myself getting heated I tell my wife I wont continue until we are both calm. When I can see that's not happening I take a time out and walk away. I refuse to raise my voice and if she raises hers I say I will not engage. I take my body language into consideration. Meaning no eye rolls, throwing my arms and hands around in exasperation, crossed arms, foot tapping, ect.. I practice "I" statements and rather than saying "You need to__" I phrase it with a "We". Sometimes I slip up but for the most part I am the one saying "This is not an argument we should have."

However, it feels like she won't allow me to work on it. She immediately gets defensive as if she automatically doesn't believe I can control myself. I understood it at first but it has been nearly a year of this. She escalates every situation and accuses me of being aggressive or not listening. When I say I need to walk away from an argument she scolds me and says I think I can start and end an argument whenever I want when really im just trying to take a break to keep from yelling. I feel like I'm taking step forward but she doesn't believe I am or can and still just assumes I'm going to blow up, so she pushes me until I do and then throws it in my face.

I'm really trying to work on myself. I know I'm not perfect but I'm trying and I feel like she is keeping me down. I don't know what to do. We have talked about it time and time again. I'm trying really hard. I understand why she is defensive but she has even admitted that a lot of the time now she is the aggressor but I still somehow get blamed. I don't know what to do. Any advice? Please don't just say give it time. As I said this lack of give and take and been an issue for a while and its weighing on my heart.