Hi I'm not really sure where to start. My Grandad passed away 3 weeks ago tomorrow on 10th July after only being diagnosed with cancer not even 3 weeks before that. We just had the funeral on Monday so it is still raw. I feel like in the last 6 weeks my whole life has been torn apart. My dad left when I was 5 and my stepdad was abusive. My Grandad was my only constant loving father figure and probably the most positive person in my life and I don't know how I'm going to cope without him. He was the first person to believe me about my stepdad being abusive and my Gran and Grandad helped get me into my own place so I was safe. I honestly think if I didn't have him back then I wouldn't be alive today. Watching pancreatic cancer take the person I loved so much before he was even gone has broken my heart and I just don't feel like I'll ever heal. Seeing my Gran cry for the first time hurts and I just feel so helpless because she's lost her soul mate and there's nothing I can do to make it better. They'd have been married 53 years this year. My health held me back so much and last year with my Grandad's support and enthusiasm I started my degree. I just found out I got a first on my latest assignment and I really wanted to tell him but I can't. It's killing me knowing I'll never hear his voice, his laugh or see his face in person again. It's the first time I've lost anyone and it happens to be one of my favourite people in the world

How do you get through this? I am waiting on counselling but I have weeks left to wait. I guess I'm turning to here because it's easier sometimes to tell strangers how you feel than the people you're closest too.