I don’t have any friends that I can talk to this about. And I don’t really want to talk to my sisters or mom. So here I am posting about it looking for support or advice or I don’t even know.

I have been with my husband since we were 19/20 - 11.5years together, a little over 4yrs married. I got pregnant 5months after we were married. We hit a rough patch when I was laid off during maternity leave. I had a hard time finding a job. He was laid off just as my unemployment was ending and was able to find a job within a month. He’s a hard worker and has always made sure we never went without. When our baby was about 1.5 we moved in with his parents to save some money while I continued to look for a new job as I was only working as needed. While living with his parents I found out I was pregnant and I miscarriaged at 9w. My husband distanced himself and shut me out, and im sure I did the same.

Flash foward to a few month prior to us moving out - my husband barley comes home before 10pm makes excuses says it bc he’s working a side job or helping a buddy or that our daughter won’t go to bed when he’s home (we shared a room). We move out into our own place and one morning I see a text when trying to shut off his morning alarm. I don’t say anything I calmly go about the day but that night I ask who she is. Huge fight I’ll spare the details. I decide we need to work on our marriage and that maybe I can forgive him (he didn’t have sex with her). Things change a little he’s home more he’s spending time with me and his daughter. We have our moments of fights.

I get pregnant the night I found out (no judgment it was good break up or make up or fucked up sex). We are now 9

Months post me finding out and I just feel like he’s back to avoiding coming home. He works till 3 comes home eats something goes to the gym and then he’ll either come home and lay on the couch and watch YouTube videos or he’ll go out with the guys from the gym or whatever.

Today I decided that after I have the baby and he returns from paternity leave I’m going to ask him for a separation. I’m basically a single parent who gets financial help from him for the rent and the cellphone. I haven’t said I love you once to him today and I’m pretty sure he hasn’t noticed. I just can’t be with someone who doesn’t want to truly be with me. I feel like he stays bc I take care of him. I get up and make and pack his lunch, I wash his clothes and cook him dinner. I don’t feel appreciated or loved anymore.