Hello all. I have never posted on here before but I desperately need help.

I had to have a ovarian cystectomy last week for the risk of torsion. My boyfriend, and honestly who I thought was soon to be fiancé, was with me through the entire procedure. Our church family rallied around us along with my own family and his. Things were going well in recovery.

Then Tuesday he just didn’t show up to lunch as he had said he would and wasn’t answering any communication. It’s not like him.

Well, it’s not like him now. He’s 8 months sober and used to have a horrible habit of just disappearing to go drink and be on day long binges.

I don’t know why but I had this horrible feeling he was doing something again. I called his mom, who I’m very close with, and she said she hadn’t heard from him.

He called me a little after that completely livid and blaming me for everything. I could tell he sounded drunk but when I asked if he’d be drinking he became angry and very cruel in his words. It was devastating. He also said the reason he left is because my illness was just too stressful for him so he had to go deal with his stress.

Now 3 days later...I prayed and reached out to him today and just said that I feel like right now I cannot be with him. I need to focus on my recovery and until he truly apologizes and confessed to me what happened I cannot sit around waiting for him to just decide to come back to our life again.

I feel so betrayed and so raw. Not to mention he has not responded at all and it’s driving me crazy with doubt. Like he must just really have never wanted me an our life the way he said. Why is he not trying to fix this?

I feel peace and like ultimately I made the right decision. But I also am just hurting so badly. I could use some encouragement and any tips ya’ll have for how to resist the urge to just blow up his phone and stalk all social media. Because truly that’s all I want to do in an attempt to control what is obviously something I can’t control.

Thank you!