A shot in the dark😐

To any of those who take time and read long posts, as this one may be, advice would be helpful. I’m not the one to reach out and ask for help or advice, I’m not asking for pity or anyone to feel sorry but anyways.

I’ve been struggling, like most of you, and it’s good to know that I’m not the only one out there who is suffering by being mentally unstable. It’s hard and to those of you who are in a tough spot like myself, I believe in you and we will make it through together, even though I may not know any of you, it’s nice to have someone there even through a screen.

Like some, I don’t have friends, at all. I struggle really bad with talking to other people my age so I’m not really there with friends, never have been good at making them.

I’m 18 and last year I was officially diagnosed with anxiety/depression. My whole life has been a living toxic hell. From divorcing parents to abusive/toxic father, moving to another city and starting a new school, been there-done that- and ready to move on from it. I’ve gone so many places and have experienced new things but never got to really discover me, who I am, what my purpose is.

When I was 17, I met a guy who showed me a whole new world, now being from Kentucky, bluegrass music was our thing. I always loved it and sang it, but I hid my talent and he brought that out of me. He’d take me places and I’d meet new people. He loved me for me and made me see, me. I struggled badly with my image, my weight, and he loved it anyway. Now that we’ve broken up it’s been hard, I’ve quit cold turkey on Lexapro, and I highly don’t recommend, it’s terrible. I’ve started thinking all of these negative thoughts and that’s not me at all, I’m hot and gross, I’m irritated all the time-just not fun times in the neighborhood. Anyways, I love him and we still talk, but that’s not where I was going.... back on track.

I quit my job because going in had become quite the struggle and I didn’t have the confidence anymore. I felt as if I were being judged when I wasn’t.

But, I’m looking for positivity, what did you do when you were alone (or felt like it), when nothing felt right and the world seemed to crumble? Anything really helps.