Not sure if I posted this in the right group... still new here :(

Hello everyone, I need some advice.

I have been diagnosed with major depressive disorder, ptsd, ocd, and generalized anxiety disorder, and a few years ago I tried my first birth control pill (lo loestrin fe) and it made me more depressed than I usually am with an episode. Usually my depressive symptoms are under control with my antidepressants I take daily, but I’ve started a new birth control pill (aviane/lutera) about two weeks ago and well... I can’t put this lightly.

My depression has never been worse, and I’ve been through a lot of shit.

I have never not wanted to be alive or in existence so much in my entire life than I have within these two weeks of taking this pill. I’m not saying to not take lutera, this is just my experience with it, or maybe I just can’t take birth control pills. Who knows?

I have been the complete and utter fucking epitome of depression. I don’t want to get out of bed....at all. My husband basically has to drag me out of bed, I am terribly anxious and have that wonderful constant feeling of impending doom. NOTHING interests me or appeals to me. I’m usually always hungry, but I have no appetite either. I’m extremely more tired than usual, I have lost my libido completely, and really have been contemplating suicide... I have also been experiencing severe and terrifying depersonalization/derealization (definitions are pictured below)

I feel like I am detached from everyone, even myself, like I am in a constant never ending fog. I feel hopeless, powerless, no motivation, no energy, don’t shower, nothing... crying every day, everything around me makes me depressed, and I keep getting flashbacks of past trauma and just random childhood memories.

I have no idea why this is happening other than I for some reason maybe cannot take birth control, but all I know is that I want my life back. I want to be a wife to my husband, and not want to die every single day, I want to be able to get things done.

I am deciding to stop taking my birth control and wait until I can go to a doctor to see what is right for me. My mental health is more important. Never put your sex life before your mental health.

I’m curious as to if anyone else has ever been affected like this? Has birth control ever made any of you depressed or worsen your depression or anxiety? PLEASE let me know. I am desperate here. Thank you for sticking around and baring with me through this depressing ass post, I hope you’re all doing well.