june of 2018 i had what i think was a chemical. i had a faint line on my pregnancy test, 3 days late. had a violent period around the day i took the test. boyfriend said it was nothing, but since then i was attached to the idea of a baby. i was 16 and like, 5 months.

then january of 2019. we were low on condoms and i was broke. but he kept insisting on birthday sex (for me). so i waited until after my

predicted ovulation (i know my actual ovulation now. god i was dumb haha). and we had unprotected sex. february comes and i’m 3 days late for my period. weird, but i test and get a hard negative. then february 5th i get spotting and i think “oh boy, here’s my period!” nope. two days later and no blood. test again and it’s a dark pink line. (i always test in the morning).

came home from school, and my boyfriend comes over with another one of my tests and a dollar store one. as soon as i dip the pink strip and drop the urine into the cassette, it’s dark pink immediately. and this is at 4pm when i’ve has two water bottles and a coffee.

i’m freaking out and crying.

according to the last period i’d be about 5 weeks.

a lot of drama came about that month, i got cytotec from pp, parents didn’t find out, school counselors did, but whatever. it was all gone after march.

but after i passed what i thought was the embryonic sac i cried next to my toilet for an hour. it was really really traumatizing. my boyfriend seemed caring yet emotionless through the whole thing. i don’t know. teenage boys are dumb.

my family and i take him to vegas in april. he gets really mean. he yells at me in public then he left me while my parents were gone. i was literally left in a casino, i’m 17, 5’4 and 105 pounds.

he dumps me in june for being a bad partner then he gets back with me and he’s been so mean for the last month. he dumped me this morning after being a dick yesterday which would’ve been 21 months.

he seemed to hate me and not love me. he used to love me but since i was pregnant, it feels like he was inly with me because he was stuck with me. he yelled at me a lot, he used to push me around a bit. he hit me once or twice.

he was just mean but he just. held me like he loved me a lot and i miss it. we went on dates and he was nice then. he used to love me. i don’t know what i did.

adding on because i’m emotional and probably missed it. i wanted the baby so bad. i was pro choice and he was mostly pro life but that changed as soon as it happened to him haha. selfish. i wanted my baby and i miss it every single day. but i can’t really tell him that.