Has anyone wanted a baby so badly and then a couple weeks later changed their mind?

This is my struggle. I’m 35 and have a 10 year old. People my age have been busy making babies and have young children. Here is the thing sometimes I am filled with the urge to have a baby and other times I’m totally fine not having another. Today I did a pregnancy test and it was negative and I was a little relieved and a bit disappointed as well. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I can’t make up my mind but time is ticking as well. My husband is happy with either having a baby or not having a baby. But we have been not using any protection lately. I keep thinking “I have a child already that’s older more independent why complicate life” and at the same time I think, “I love my motherhood experience and having another would be a breeze and even more enjoyable because I know what’s coming and it would be so cool to have another addition to the family that’s such a huge part of us”. I feel guilty and sometimes feel it’s not a good idea to ttc if I’m all over the map like this. Thoughts?