Update: So his best friend basically told him how much he fucked up, called me to check in on me and he can't tell me anything either. He has no answers for what he did he just knew it was wrong.

I'm with my mum for a couple of nights to get away from him and apparently he is miserable, moping around. He's messaged me a couple of times but I have kept it short. I'm struggling to look at him or think about the whole situation without feeling disgusted.

A girl we used to know basically posts nudes of herself online on different websites along with videos and stuff. We all know about it and I guess she doesn't care and she gets paid. She's not to blame here.

I was on my partners phone looking up a way to help my dog because the webpage was blocked on my phone due to pop ups 🙄 and he left the tab open. Immediately my gut dropped. I then checked his history, something I've never felt compelled to do, and amongst the porn (which I'm fine with - I watch it too so 🤷🏽‍♀️) and other previous searches would be these sites that the girl posts her pics on (there are like 3 different ones). I woke him up straight away.

From what I can gather, he's been doing it for months (I'm 8 months pregnant) and he isn't getting off on it he's just checking it out then switching to porn, he even says he doesn't get turned on by it. I don't believe him one bit. We've been together 8 years and I've always trusted him completely but after tonight anything he says I'm struggling to believe.

He's told me it was curiosity, I could understand I mean I snooped myself when I first heard about it, but that doesn't explain why he goes back. He says it's a shock thing like "oh my god it's really there" but again he watches porn so that doesn't make any sense. I cried out thinking it was me, how my body wasn't good enough or he wasn't attracted to me anymore, he was crying back swearing it wasn't the case.

When I asked if he had cheated he dropped to his knees and swore he didn't, even gave me his phone and let me search everything so I guess I can believe the proof (I looked through messages going back years.)

So now I'm stuck. I feel like I've been cheated on but without actually being cheated on, I can't look at him, I don't want to be touched by him, he understands that I'm pulling away for now and he isn't fighting with me one bit.

I genuinely believe he hasn't cheated physically, but I can't get my head around this thing with him checking out the girl from our past. He feels like shit, rightfully so, and he even told his best friend to talk to me because he doesn't want me to suffer in silence, pretty much angering his best friend to high heavens because he now thinks my husband is a piece of shit. How do we move forward from here?