So here’s my story. me and this guy were best friends. like the kind that always had your back and would do anything for you. He had a huge crush on me and i was in a relationship at the time so i led him on. We would always hang out and sometimes hold hands (nothing else happened i was in a relationship) but we literally couldn’t stay apart from each other. After i broke out of my relationship i knew i wanted to explore things with him. We talked on the phone a lot and once when we were calling i was with my cousin and i introduced them and i didn’t think about it at all. So i am about to ask him out because i have gathered the confidence to do it when i get a text from my uncle. My uncle tells me he is at my cousins house and they are "hanging out". Apparently they had been talking for months behind my back and one of them thought it was romantic and one didn’t. I don’t really know what to believe to this day but whatever. It was heartbreaking, i yelled at both of them and cut them out of my life for months. Then i realized to let myself heal i would have to forgive them so i could move forward. But after i forgave him i didn’t talk to him and cut him out of my life even though he tried to talk to me. I thought about him constantly. (side note- i also had an injury during all of this and one of my relatives was in a coma and i started talking to my cousin sooner after cause she is my family of course and family should never be broken up.)

Now it is August and i started talking to him again. We have been talking for like 1 month and at first i never thought it would be the same as it was before because of how he had changed and how awkward it was now. But recently we have been talking more and more and it has started being like how it was before and i’m starting to develop feelings again and i don’t know why. My cousin and him hate each other and have blocked each other on all social media and he has tried to better himself to prove to me he has changed. I just get so nervous because of all that has happened but at the same time i can never forget how close him and I were before and how much i really love/loved him. I just don’t know what to do with my friendship with him. if i start being friends with him again what if i get hurt/betrayed or what if something happens with my family again. Or i stop all contact and just think about him a lot and not know what to do.

Someone please help this is a big mess!!!

me without any help rn: