Hey girlss, apologies for how long this is going to be😂. About 7 months ago I lost my best friend to a heart attack (don’t mean to sound cringe or anything) but I slipped into a depression and started to feel hate towards everyone including myself. I couldn’t eat and when I tried to I felt almost guilty (sounds weird but yh); I ended up losing a large amount of weigh as a result of this. I guess I spent so much time dwelling on what happened to my Niki that I pushed everything and everyone to the side (including my health). Anyways, throughout the month of January the one person that I truly had was my boyfriend. He took care of me, made me feel so much better when I missed her and was always there to remind me that despite losing all of that weight I was still THAT bitch.

He would write me paragraphs, sent me flowers and sleep around my house every weekend just to help me out I appreciated it so much but I still was so unhappy. Out of no where I started to get really insecure about my body and I wouldn’t let him touch me nor see me naked, I would even walk behind him just so he couldn’t see my bum. Despite doing all this he still tried to remind me that he wouldn’t leave me and that I needed to be more confident/comfortable with him.

Fast forward to August and I’m still in the exact same place, I could see my boyfriends frustration building throughout the months and I knew something was going to go bad between us because as a result of this. A couple of days ago we had a dispute over it and he basically said he has tried his hardest with me and he just can’t get to terms with why I am like this with him. I told him that I know he wouldn’t leave me just because of my body. I also told him that I’d love to just be one of those girls that loves themselves but unfortunately I am unable to do so. He started getting angrier with every response I gave him and said to sort it out because he doesn’t know how long he can tolerate it for. I understand how agitating it must be when the person you love suddenly turns so toxic towards themselves and then doesn’t let you get intimate with them but I’m really unsure how to work on it. I’ve been trying to eat more and start meal plans to get myself back to the size that I was but it’s just not working. Sometimes I even try to write myself little messages to motivate myself lol😂🤦🏽‍♀️ i wrote this to see if anyone can relate to my problem and maybe give me some tips on how to become more comfortable with myself? Let me know how you achieved self love and how long it took.❤️