Ever been terrified to go to sleep? Cuz this has been happening to me for the last month or so on random nights. I have sm anxiety that it physically hurts my chest and I start to panic and it’s like I can’t breathe, even though I can.

I’m so exhausted and I feel like crying. But I won’t allow myself either because if I sleep I’m afraid I won’t wake up or I’ll wake up in the middle of the night not being able to breathe. Then I won’t let myself cry cuz then my nose will get stuffy and that’s one less way to breathe plus my throat always hurts when I start crying and sometimes it feels like my throat gets tight when I get a new way of anxiety.

Safe to say I’m driving myself crazy. And to make things better my mom took our anxiety medicine with her to the beach. To. The. Beach. Beaches are suppose to be relaxing guys, why’d she fuckig take the entire bottle?! Better question is why didn’t my doctor give me my own fucking bottle?? This is going to be a long fuvking night.

You cant die from anxiety or anxiety attacks right? And what’s the difference between an anxiety and panic attack? And how do you know which one your having?? Can you die from a panic attack? What if I’m having a heart attack cuz this chest pain is not fun. (The pain comes and goes.). Weird thing is is that it’s like it’s not in my head like my normal anxiety is. I’m legit not even anxious about anything. At least I wasn’t before this stuff started. Just came out of nowhere. And I’m not *that* stressed. Like schools eh. Only two more classes till graduation. My cousin isn’t doing well health wise. He has cf and his health is declining as he ages and he will most likely need a lung and liver transplant in the next few years. And most patients only live about 5 years after a lung transplant and he’s gonna have to eventually get a double lung transplant at some point in his life. And he’s like a brother to me. So yeah that’s terrible but I’m more depressed than stressed about that... so idk.

I tried drinking got chocolate and taking a hot shower which usually helps but it didn’t work tonight which sucks.

Oh and this might be getting progressively worse cuz a few weeks ago it was mild chest pain and mostly heart palpitations. Now it’s not heart palpitations but lots of chest pain and feeling like I can’t breathe. I went to the doctor a few weeks ago, the did a bunch of tests and weren’t worried ab it. Just wrote it off has heart palpitations like thank you captain obvious. $3,000 to tell me what I already knew. Awesome. Hopefully tomorrow I can go to the doctor and see what’s up w me.

To put an image in ur head, imagine a person laying down and has a mildly heavy rock on their chest and being slightly choked , just enlightened pressure to feel throat tightness.

Oh and I’m writing sm cuz this is giving me something to do. Sorry for rambling. I’m just terrified and want to cry but as I already said, I can’t even do that. I believe everything happens for a reason and I honestly cannot figure out why bff this is happening to me. Idk wtf I did in a oast life to deserve this shit. Fuckkkk fuck fuck Fuck fuck.