**I posted this last night, but someone commented saying I posted it in the wrong group. I deleted that post so I can post it in this group (hopefully the right one). So please do not report me for spamming. **

I am 23 happily married to my high school sweetheart, but I had a dream about a man from my past last night and I feel awful.

Here's a little back story. When I was in 8th grade, I really liked this guy, Tony. He liked me too, we would even talk about our feelings for each other all the time, but he was always off and on with this other girl. Tony and I became best friends, but there was always this vibe between us. At one point, while he was single, he took me to his house and introduced me to his family. We were hanging out in the basement alone, watching a movie, and he layed back and pulled me on top of him. I was laying over him and we just stared at each other, I felt such a strong connection in that moment. Before we had a chance to kiss, his little brother walked in, so we stopped and from then on kind of became flirty best friends.

Then high school came and I still had such strong feelings for Tony. I dated around a little bit and every time I was dating someone else, I would not think of Tony as anything other than a friend. I started dating one guy, James, toward the end of freshman year and then shortly after sophomore year started, Tony text me telling me he still had feelings for me and wanted to give us a chance. I reminded him that I was with James and I couldn't do that to him, things were going well. He apologized for putting me in this position, but needed to be honest with me. He said it was hard for him to watch me dating other guys and kept kicking himself for not asking me out sooner. I told James what was going on (not mentioning Tony's name) and told him I needed to think. Once Tony text me, all those feelings came rushing back. I started noticing James' true colors, that I was blinded from before, so I ended things with him. Not long after, Tony told me he was dealing with something and was not in the position to start a relationship. I was crushed, but I was kind of used to coming so close with him, only to have it ripped away.

A couple months later I started dating my husband and remained friends with Tony (my husband knew about our history). Throughout high school, I would occasionally have that "what if" thought. I wondered how things would have been for us, if we had been given the chance.

Now I'm married, and trying for a baby, I'm happy. Occasionally I will still have those what if moments, but more out of curiosity, not like I'm longing for Tony or anything like that. Sometimes I just wonder where I would be and how different my life would be. I never really felt bad for that because they were innocent thoughts. But then last night I had a dream about Tony.

In the dream, he had asked me to coffee. We get to talking and he tells me he is in love with me and for the last 8 years, has regret not asking me out when he had the chance. I kept telling him I'm happily married and he had his chance, but he lost it. I told him how long I hung on to him and the idea of us, but I had to let him go years ago. I told him how he feels now is how I felt from 8th grade to sophomore year. We continued to talk and it was like I got closure.

Then that dream ended and another one started. Tony and I were teenagers again and back in his basement. With me on top of him, after gazing at each other, we started kissing. We rolled over and now he's on top. The kissing continues and it was the stereotypical soul mate kiss from the movies. Magical, fireworks, feeling every level of connection with him. It never went pass kissing in the dream, but I feel so guilty for this. It's not like I want to be with Tony anymore. Our current lifestyles wouldn't be compatible. I love my husband and don't want anyone else. Why did I have to have this dream?

I feel like a terrible wife...