We’ve had a good year and a half. While it hasn’t been perfect, I do appreciate having him in my life. To him I just may be this girl he was really good friends with and slept with. But to me he’s the guy that showed me what I do and do not want in a real relationship. How I wish it could be him. Just because I’ve invested so much of me and time into this but at the same time I’m kinda glad its bit not gonna be him. I do most of the work and I don’t know that he understands that. But we’re just at two different points in our lives and maybe this is the best time for us to fade out. We were never suppose to make it this far and go through all things we went through. He came out of know where and maybe that was a good thing. I want it to be him because the idea of letting another man in scares me. But honestly I’m almost 30 and never been in love. I deserve so much more than what he’s offering.

He never wanted a relationship but yet here we are. A year and a half later and we basically are in one without the title. I notice that he doesn’t text me as often or it takes him longer than it used to but I’m gonna do my best to let that go. To just let us drift apart because I deserve more but knowing I deserve more doesn’t make letting him go any easier.

*no I can’t talk to him about how I’m feeling because he’ll just say he doesn’t want a relationship right now and that I’ve known that from the beginning. Plus I don’t want it to be him because I want someone who wants me. Doesn’t make me question it for this long...