Is it wrong?

Question

Back story:
My dad was with a woman in the late 90s, and she got pregnant. My dad told her that he had the children he wanted already (my brother and myself). He told her to get an abortion and gave her the money for it (my dad is a prick, I know. He “helped” raise me). She decided that she wasn’t going to get an abortion. My grandma told me about it when I was younger and it hurt my feelings that I have a little sister and my dad just decided for me that I wouldn’t know her or have any contact.
Flash forward 20 years later:
I’ve been snooping, as us females are know to do.
I’VE FOUND HER.
Seeing how beautiful and successful she is makes me so happy. I’m so proud. She has grown up (I’m assuming) not knowing that I or my brother exist. Her mom got married in 2001 to a man that she calls her dad. That’s doesn’t hurt my feelings because our dad wasn’t there for her AT ALL.. Obviously.. Is it wrong to want to reach out and talk to her? Again, I don’t know if she knows what happened, and I don’t want to reach out and turn her life upside down. I just want her to know that I do love her, and I have loved her since I found out about her. Should I just keep my distance?

Answer

Can you maybe reach out to her mom? Her mother would be able to let you know how much she knows, and hopefully she'd be willing to prepare her daughter for the news of having half-siblings if she doesn't know already.
I don't blame you for wanting to reach out, I would feel the same. I'd also want to know if I had half siblings, but if I didn't know my biological father was different than the man who raised me the news would hit a lot harder.

Answer

I found myself in a somewhat similar situation many years ago. I was in my early twenties when I found out that I had an older sister from my father's first marriage. Her name is Nicole and I WANTED to meet her! 
My mom explained the situation: My father was very abusive to his first wife (my mom, too). My dad's FW (first wife) left my father and divorced him. Shortly after she left, she found out that she was pregnant. He almost killed her and she was scared to tell him about the pregnancy. She was afraid for herself and her baby, so she kept the pregnancy to herself. While pregnant she met a man, a doctor and to my knowledge he's always treated her with love and respect. He raised the baby as his own. HIS name is on her birth certificate and HE is her father in every sense of the word! They had other children and they are a family!
I don't know how my family found out about her or how they managed to not say anything. But FW asked that my father not be told and in light of how their marriage was, I can only assume that everyone kept her "secret" out of respect for her (myself included).
I can't tell you how many times I've had the urge to reach out, but I always refrain from doing so. 
This woman, my sister had a stable loving environment all her life and knows NOTHING of my father! I have loved my sister from a distance for all these years and I just cannot fathom uprooting her entire existence and wrecking emotional and mental havoc and trauma into her life, so I will forever love my sister from a distance. She will NEVER know about me. And as saddened as that makes me, I love this woman too much to ruin her life, her morals, her respect and relationship with her mother, her father, her family.
I'm not saying that you should do the same, as I'm sure that your situation is unlike mine. But i do suggest that you contact her mother, FIRST. You don't know for sure her reasonings and her only reason may have been to PROTECT her child. 
As much as I understand your longing to know your sister, sometimes it might be best to leave it alone for everyone's sake. Who knows, but I hope my comment helps you to reflect and help you to choose the right road for you and your sister. Good luck, whatever your decision may be

Answer

I would reach out to her. We are only on this earth for a short time and if you didn't reach out to her and then some horrific accident happened and she passed away then you would feel so guilty for not ever reaching out and possibly reconnecting and becoming close.

Answer

If her mom says no to you introducing yourself as her sister, do you think you could just be her friend and keep the secret? This way you get to show her love and support and her life doesn't get flipped upside down..

Answer

Truth hurts. Get in contact. We live once. If I had a long lost relative, I would meet them in a heart beat.

Answer

That's your sister. Why would it be wrong?

Is it wrong?

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