I feel like a complete waste of space. I’m completely exhausted and very lonely.

I may have just destroyed a part of my future and I just sobbed in the middle of the night. I’m completely beside myself. I met someone today and things were going well, but it got to a point where I became guarded (only due to my past) and just pushed this guy away. Now he might be upset with me and I’m in a state of panic because he hasn’t answered. I’m having extreme anxiety and depression. and I hope he’s just fallen asleep (it’s middle of the night here) and he stopped responding mid intense conversation. I’m incredibly lonely and I overshared too soon about stuff I would never tell anyone I knew, about. Then he wanted to be friends. Then I put up walls. And now that he seems upset, I’m essentially kicking myself over it. I’m so upset

UPDATE 1:

I decided to go ahead and give them one of my sm contacts to talk through. This is the scariest thing I’ve ever done. I have a hangover and I cried myself to sleep last night. I’m not in the best shape...

UPDATE 2:

We’re now chatting online and I’m terrified of being hurt still. I’m trying hard to put boundaries in place but I think might be too harsh. And he’s also being immature and still flirting. Now I’m stuck in my decision path because I’m developing a connection against my better judgement. Im afraid he’s playing me. Im so anxious!