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#breakthesilence

Misty • Tue, Oct 06

This is one of the hardest things I have ever had to write. I hope to whomever reads this does so with an open mind. I am not doing this for pity or for even sympathy. I just hope I can make one positive thing from the nightmare I have been living. Maybe one person can find comfort from this and that happens it is so worth the pain of being so vulnerable and publicly coming out with what has happened to my family. I have always felt personal problems should not be broadcasted on social media and I will probably be judged for doing so but I refuse to suffer in silence. Walt, Lilliana, and I have been going through hell for the past few months. I unfortunately have suffered two miscarriages essentially back to back. You never realize how many people have suffered through this hell until it happens to you. Once other women hear they come forward to share their loss with you. It is almost like a secret club. Why should we have to remain silent in shame because our children have been taken from us? I have no idea where the stigma came from that miscarriage is something women should keep hush hush about. Why should we have to feel alone during the darkest days of our lives? The sadness and loss from miscarriage is real. It destroys people. Takes away their hopes and dreams. I had dreams and wishes for my babies just like I do for my child who is here with us. I had envisioned what this child would be. What it would look like. I changed my whole life to protect the life inside of me. The moment we as women learn we are pregnant we invest every part of ourselves into the new life. It isn't just a pregnancy it is a life with a heartbeat. I refuse to let my child not count and to be forgotten. It was part of me for 11 weeks. It was loved and wanted. I just can not see where the shame is. So many people have said to me this happens to people. It happens all the time. I know it is just people's way of trying to help. It doesn't help. It also doesn't help to hear you can just try again. The baby that was lost was a person. If someone's child dies would you say you can just try again and replace your child. No, no one would say that because it sounds horrible. While I understand the death of a child is so much worse, the baby I felt was my child. It was a death. It is such a strong sense of loss. My point of sharing this with all of you is to give other women a voice. We are not alone. You shouldn't suffer in silence. You should be able to share your loss publicly and receive comfort just like any other loss people experience. If any one else is going through this you are not alone. Your pain is real. Your child was real. I know this personally because the pain I feel is almost unbearable. I know you too felt/feel this way. The only comfort I know is that my children are with Jesus. They are with loved ones we had lost before them. They know they were loved from the very second I saw a positive pregnancy test. I ask if everyone could pray for my family as the days to come will be very hard on us.