Am I overreacting??

Question

So, my MIL offered to babysit as a regular weekly thing. She started for the first time last Thursday. She came to our house, picked our baby up (which I wasn’t too excited to begin with letting my baby be in a car with someone else, but I work really early and my husband too, so there was no option) and the arrangement was she would take him directly to her house and I will pick him up around 3:00.
When I get there, she starts telling me how they went to visit her mom and then they went to wal mart just her and the baby. She didn’t ask nor told anyone, I had to control myself and when I mentioned to my husband that it is not okay for ANYONE to take our baby anywhere without asking us first, that I do not like this and I don’t want my MIL or anyone else for that matter, alone in the supermarket with my baby or driving around with him in the car, that that was not our arrangement, he tells me I am being over dramatic, that I am overreacting and I should let go a little bit, that nothing will happen and we should trust my MIL and her judgment. It is not that I don’t trust her but I want to know where my baby IS, I need to be asked  and she violated our arrangement. Am I insane? Am I overreacting? We are still learning to parent since this is our first and I would like to be on the same page with my HU but, I feel he is not overreacting enough, could that be??

Answer

I think you need to take a step back and communicate with your mother in law. People don’t read minds. How could she possibly know that Walmart would be off limits? 
Talk to her. Explain your fears. Come from a place of understanding and not blaming. 
You are doing a great job mama! Being a first time mom is the scariest thing I have ever experienced! You are right to be scared, but don’t push away something good just out of fear!

Answer

I agree with Katie. 
To you what she did was out of line. To her, she was just going to the supermarket.
It's totally OK for you to not be OK with her taking your baby places.... But you need to clearly express this to her in black and white that you don't want her taking any additional trips in the car, she is to just drive straight home.

Answer

I think you are well within your rights. After everything that is going on lately in the world. Plus the arrangement was for her to go home then there was no miscommunication because that was the deal. I could see if it was an emergency but he is your baby and you should know what is going on. I think you’re being a great mom and wanting what is best for him and that is to know he is safe with whom you I trust him with. Guys sometimes have a hard time understanding the strong tie we have to our LO’s (not to say they don’t but it’s just different). I would be feeling the same way as you no matter the person. Good luck!

Answer

I don’t think it’s unreasonable at all for you to want to know where your baby is at all times. I would have been so upset to know that my MIL brought my baby all over town. We don’t allow other people to drive her around and if they want to see her they come here 🤷🏼‍♀️. It amazes me that all these moms are disagreeing with you, if they only knew the extent of my crazy lol. I don’t agree that grandparents have more freedom, i think anyone still needs to respect my rules as her mother.

Answer

I would of been upset as well. You guys should of talked about it before you made the arrangement. Dos & don’ts!

Answer

I personally think you’re overreacting but it is your kid and you can feel how you want and set whatever mind of boundaries you want. If you don’t want People driving with your child in the vehicle or taking them somewhere then they have to respect that. But you will also have to respect that people may not want to watch your child  if you have too strict of rules 
My mom watches my two kids (3 years and 5 months) quite often usually on her day off and may need to run some errands so she takes them with.  I don’t find it to be a big deal. Can’t keep them in a bubble their whole life   But that is my own personal feelings

Answer

I think you are being nuts. I’m not always the biggest fan of my MIL, but when I’m babysitting my nephew or my mom is, or if someone is babysitting my son, I do not expect them to sit around at home all day. 
Why the heck would she ever want to watch your kid and do YOU a favour if she can’t do anything? 
I think you need to step back. I get it. My momma bear instincts come out hard when it comes to my in laws too... but that is VERY unfair of you.

Answer

So you’ve gotten a lot of comments in both sides. I’m mostly on the try not to overreact team and in-laws are tough. 
My MIL and Aunt In Law (MIL sister) are our primary caregivers during the week. So we’ve got a few road bumps already. 
I’m assuming you have a pretty good level of trust and a relatively good relationship with your MIL. 
Your husband may not agree with you because he’s coming from a place of trust in his own mother I assume. I’m sure he has memories of going to the store with his mom as all of us probably do, so it’s easy for him to imagine your/his child with his mother doing the same. 
Like others have said communication is key. 
Also maybe your MIL can watch baby at your house? That’s what we’ve done and it’s less driving around for baby in general. 
Good luck momma!

Answer

I understand where you are coming from but maybe she just had no idea it would bother you this much. I would just ask her in the future if she would just let you know if she decides to take your child out somewhere.

Answer

I think you are overreacting a bit, but you are mom and you call the shots.

Am I overreacting??

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