When I was in highschool my mom put me in therapy with a psychologist for a year and I didn’t understand why.

Today I asked her and she told me that I told her “I feel really depressed and like I want to hurt people and myself. I get in this really dark state of mind and can’t get out of it and feel like I’m drowning in it.

I do not remember that. At all, I remember having a lot of problems as a teen but I do not remember going to her for anything. I must have been in a survival mode where everything else was shut off and I went to her reaching out and then repressed everything. Or that therapist did a really damn good job and helped me forget or something. It’s weird how much of my highschool life I just flat out don’t remember because I was so damn deep in depression. I kinda remember feeling like It wasn’t real. It was like I was dead for a while. I don’t really remember my therapist either. All I remember is that I was pulled out of school every Monday and I had to be on an IEP, so that I wouldn’t fail for missing so much school. I remember being really annoyed by that. That’s all. Then it was senior year and I was alive again. I remember all of senior year, pretty much the only year in highschool I can recall. Since I was so depressed I isolated myself completely and had no friends so I had to make friends senior year. Do you know how weird it is to not remember a little chunk of your life 🙃 weird.

Depression is weird and terrifying.

And I also want to say a thank you to this therapist that I very vaguely remember who brought my broken little soul back to life. I tried contacting her just to thank her but she got married and started a family and had a bunch of babies and stopped working to be a stay at home momma. Good for her