Post Partum Depression & Anxiety

My son is 10 weeks old now, and sometimes I feel like my life is falling apart.

I feel like i cant handle things how i used to.. being military and trying to get an appointment with my doctor has been so so so difficult and I'm really struggling with my mental state.

I feel like my husband wouldnt care if I died, and that my mother in law (who has been visiting recently) would be better at taking care of my infant son than I am.

My body aches and I try so hard to be happy for my son, to make him smile and to feel better when he smiles at me.. but I feel like I cant.

I feel like my husband never listens to me. He brushes me off, he would rather do other things than deal with me or my problems..

I have tried so hard to see my doctor but they wont answer my calls.. I leave voicemails and they never call back. My husband swears I am not trying hard enough..

My heart constantly hurts, and I feel like I'm losing it slowly but surely.. I just want to be happy.. I want my family happy and I feel like I do nothing but bring them down and stress them out.. I just dont want to do it anymore and I'm so tired if fighting like I have through my life..

I'm so tired...

Sorry for venting..