I met him barely as an adult. He was older and overwhelmed me with attention and gifts. He made me feel important! I uprooted my life and followed him and his military career over 2000 miles to a state where I knew no one. I didn’t adjust well and the veiled insults started (I prefer this color on your nails, let’s get you a new wardrobe I think your style needs an update if you are going to be seen with me). The changes were so gradual but collectively I was not making any choices for myself. I tried so hard to be what he wanted that I didn’t realize that I was no longer ME. I worked hard and had several jobs to afford many of these changes. He traveled a lot and would ask why there were missing cans of food when he returned, so I stopped eating during his trips because he wanted particular brands that were only available from the base and I was not able to go there without him. Fast forward a decade. I was a perfect robot and found out that I was one of many and believed his reasoning that I was lacking because I only picked my style of panties and got a little clingy when he was in town. So I changed that to! Fast forward another decade. We moved once again to a place where I knew no one and married. The physical abuse had started and I never told anyone. I knew better than to embarrass him in any way. I again found out that there were others and always had been and the on and off started every 10 months. I did this for a few years and now today. I am getting 2 degrees in Psychology and understand that I am not stupid, I was conditioned! If your life sounds anything like mine, there is hope! You are not alone!