To anyone reading, sorry in advance- it may not be the most comprehensible since it’s really late and this is just attacking my mind at the moment.

Dear “dad,”

As if you could be called a father. You were only in my life for two short years and left because you couldn’t be committed to my mom. After that, it just became a game; you came in my life when you had a new fling and you wanted to show her the trophies of your past relationships. You don’t know anything about me except what’s on my birth certificate. You’ve had five kids with four women, but only stayed with 2 of those kids, neither were mine. I tried to open up when you came around because I never knew when you’d be back, but you made it hard. Finally, I had enough and gave up; I tried to pretend it didn’t hurt, but it did; I tried to forget that I was supposed to have a dad, that only lasted until nightfall when my mind turns against me. One memory that hurts the most, though, is the time I asked you to take me to the father daughter dance at school with me and you refused, yet took your “girlfriend’s” daughter instead. That’s when I understood what I meant to you, and that’s when I finally learned and started to build my walls. Now I’m scared of abandonment. Now I’m scared to say the wrong thing. Now I’m scared whenever someone is annoyed with me. Because of you I live with crippling anxiety to let anyone get close. I finally told you to leave me and my sister alone when I was 15, but that only lasted a year because I wanted to forgive you and see if you’d finally stick around a little longer, and you did, but then you left again and I didn’t hear from you for years. My mom has done wonderful raising me, much better than if you were here. I feel so much resentment toward you that I don’t know how to forgive you right now. I had a stepdad for the longest time that I didn’t even know wasn’t my real dad! I forgot all about you until you started your “game”! I called HIM dad, and that doesn’t hurt you even a little bit? It’s a shame I still feel any pain for you when you can’t even spare a little for me.