Sorry for the long post, just really sad.... I would really love to hear from some men who have gone through a lot of stressful thoughts, as well as any ladies whose baby daddy went through something similar. My heart is breaking and it's so hard to not think that getting pregnant was the worst idea I've ever had.... 😢

My husband and I have been married for fifteen years this June, and we'd decided from the beginning of our relationship 16.5 years ago that we'd never become parents. This March, we started talking about it and realized that we weren't opposed to the idea, and I'd actually wanted it for awhile but had fully accepted that it would never happen and was okay with it. We decided that it would be better to go for it before we got any older (we're both pushing 40) and he said he was fine either way, and if it was meant to be, it would happen. He's also talked many, many times about how much he liked his best friend's daughter (she ended up pregnant in high school) and how he'd worked so hard to make sure she has everything she needed, since he was the only friend who didn't abandon her, and how he'd had "so many hopes and dreams for that little girl."

I figured it would take a long time to happen and he said that anything that terrified him that much would surely happen immediately. Well, he was more right than me, it only took three months... During which time I told him MANY times that if he was having second thoughts, we could slow down and talk about it more... But he was still fine with it. The last time we had that conversation was a few hours before the act that conceived our child, or maybe a few days before, since we had sex twice between that conversation and my BFP.

Now that I'm pregnant, he's very stressed out and clearly wishes it hadn't happened. He's completely committed to me and is preparing himself to work long hours to provide for us, and to not be like his dad, who basically ran for the hills and didn't try to be a dad to him for thirty years (even though he's perfectly thrilled with his step- and grandkids).

I expected it would take a while for him to be okay with the idea as many dads don't really "become dads" until they meet their child... But I did not expect for him to be completely revolted by the thought of sex. Nor did he, and we had a great sex life before this. He says that he can't even think about it without his skin crawling, and it's completely ruined, after years of sex with no consequences, the one time it does "have consequences" has ruined it, and he's fine with never having sex again. Also tells me when I say I should be back to normal in a few months as long as the delivery doesn't have complications, he says that stuff will have moved and I'll feel different. At that point I snapped at him that if he was such an expert at how women feel after having babies, he'll get over it.

I'm just at a loss right now. I'm pretty scared over the whole thing since it's honestly terrifying after never having wanted it to happen, but I am (and have to be) fully committed, and I already love our child. She's just a little kumquat right now, but she's OURS, and I'm already getting attached... Because, well, how could I NOT? But I'm terrifed now that he'll NEVER come around, and won't love our kid. He's actually grown quite a lot of grey hair in the past six weeks, and won't admit to being scared, just stressed out. "My life is over/ruined." "All my hopes and dreams are gone now." "I'll never be able to do x, y, z...." "This is YOUR baby, I'm just the financier." I've told him that of course I'll go back to work but we've agreed that it doesn't make much sense to, at least for awhile, since my pay would only MAYBE be enough for daycare, and why should i work just to pay someone else to raise our child? I said it will be great because he'll come home to dinner every night (our current schedules don't allow me enough time to actually have things ready before he gets home), that I'd never expected to be a housewife/stay-at-home mom (in fact, I've brought in more of our money over the years), but I'm ready to take that plunge, plus when I had spare time i could make crafty things to sell for a little extra income, could get back to writing, even work from home). We'd talked about homeschooling but now he's said my working career is about over for at least five years or so, so it seems like he's more okay with the thought of public school. But it breaks my heart to wonder if he's just going to resent me and our child forever.

He says he doesn't resent us and when I told him he could go on hoping I'll miscarry, but he had to be prepared for the likelihood that I WON'T, he's said that he absolutely doesn't wish for that, or for anything at all to go wrong, because he doesn't want me to go through that, and I believe him. I appreciate that this is the hugest display of commitment and love for me, for him to do something he's been so adamantly against for his whole life. And I realize that his childhood was awful, abusive, he basically HAD no chance to be a kid... but I had a great one and can't wait for him to see what it's like. I am so optimistic and he's just... Not. 😢😢😢