So I need some advice and figure here’s the best place to ask because y’all have some great input.

I’ve been in a relationship for going on 2 years.

First year was great things went smoothly.

However on our anniversary I booked us a little vacation to the opposite side of the country. I paid for the Airbnb which was around $190 per night and we stayed for a whole week.

The deal was that I would pay for the Airbnb and he would pay for the gas ($50 there and back), food (roughly $130), day trips or dinners if we felt like it ($150 max), and misc expenses.

We had known about the trip months in advance. Fast forward to the trip. Basically the entire time he complained that he had to spend money. We basically stayed in the Airbnb the whole time.

The times we did go out were less than desirable. We took a day trip to the mall which was less than 10 minutes away, because we were in a major city parking is limited and most you have to pay for. He asked me to pay for parking since he had to pay for gas (???).

We went to dinner afterwards and when come time to pay he blind sided me and told the waitress the bill was separate.

We went to pick up our groceries and he had us split the groceries so that we both had to pay.

This was all on day 1.

The rest of the time was in the Airbnb because he didn’t want to pay for any more gas.

On our final day I wanted to go to a few museums like we had planned, and I had to buy my ticket in.

We stopped at a few tourist attractions and I got some snacks and a bag of specialty cheese (snack cheese that comes in curds).

The cheese was quite expensive as well as the snacks so I was really excited to eat it on the way home.

He opted out of getting snacks for himself and instead got a $300 figure toy/collectors item.

He ate half of my snacks and cheese on the way home.

He didn’t have a job during our relationship at that point but he had a lot of money saved up from over the years and had set aside money specifically for this trip. Which he spent on a toy.

I don’t know why it bothered me to such an extent but after all of that I was so off put and I’ve been becoming more and more off put as time goes on.

Since the start of Winter I’ve been trying to tell him he needs to get a job basically since the beginning of our relationship. His savings have since run out and he doesn’t seem to understand the importance of a job.

His argument is he doesn’t want to be the guy that does a (factory, or labour) job he hates just to get by.

I’ve told him there’s plenty of jobs he can choose from and he can choose to find one that interests him. His response is “year I’ll look” and he just hasn’t. He doesn’t even have a resume. His last job was 2016 and he wrote his resume in 2015 so his resume is out of date and really poorly written. It got to the point where I was offering to write a resume and cover letter for him but he told me he would do it on his own.

He’s had an interview (which he cancelled), and a job offer but he’s putting absolutely no effort. I think he’s browsed for jobs maybe twice and one time was after an argument over him not having a job and the other time was me searching for him.

Not to mention I’m left paying for either half of or all of all of our outings 24/7.

I also am constantly having to share my food with him, which is a normal thing to do in a relationship I’m aware, but not when it’s expected. If we go somewhere and I want to buy something for myself he will say “I’m not going to get any food, I’ll just split it with you.” Without me offering. When I do put my foot down and say no he makes me feel bad for it because I’m “being greedy”, “bad at sharing” , or “being selfish”. He will then go on to say how broke he is and proceed to make me feel bad that I don’t want to share my food with him 24/7.

Like it’s not my fault that he refuses to get a job and make his own money.

I had paid for our seasonal passes to a resort, and asked him to only pay me back $30 of the $115. He had money at this time but I didn’t want to make him spend a big chunk of it by paying me back.

He agreed, I reminded him 3 times that week and I still remind him to this day and it’s like it goes in one ear an out the other.

He will spent $60 on a liquor bottle but can’t pay me back the $30.

I’m at the end of my sting here.

I really do love him but I feel myself resenting him at the same time. Its gotten to the point where don’t want to have sex with him.

I physically am just unable to preform.

Things will be getting hot and heavy and I just can’t. I don’t even want to think of it. When he initiates it I feel so uneasy. I would rather pretend to fall asleep or wake up very early before him and leave the bedroom so I don’t have to lay with him and have the potential for sex be in the air.

I find him incredibly attractive in all other aspects but his lack of motivation is turning me off to such an extreme.

2 days ago I had bought myself a bag of “luxury” chocolates and I was saving it in my purse for when I went home.

Later he asked me for one and made me feel really bad for saying no because it’s a small bag for a big price.

I caved and told him he could have one and made a point to say “do NOT eat them all. Have only one or two.”

He went downstairs to get my purse, came up with a mug to dip the chocolates in and sat there and ate them by the handfuls, rolled the bag shut and put it back.

When I went to eat some there were legit crumbs in the bag.

All of the stuff building up on top of that tipped the ice burg and I started crying.

He just doesn’t seem to understand that being an adult requires a getting a job. He lives with his mom still and she buys him everything so he doesn’t get the concept of having bills and earning your things. Yes it’s just chocolate but I work hard for my money and I decided to treat myself with high end expensive chocolates.

It’s not fair that I am left eating the crumbs of something I worked hard for.

I moved into a condo recently and he talks about wanting to move in with me and yet he has made no effort to show me that he can handle an actual life with me.

I obviously am not going to let him move in with me but just the fact that he’s wanting to makes me even more angry. I’m not going to be his mother and pay his way through life. He’s not a child anymore. He’s an adult in his mid 20s.

He needs a job. At this point I don’t care if he only takes up 2 7 hour shifts a week or works a 9 to 5.

Any type of job is still a job.

He needs to start paying his own bills, buying his own food, and saving his money for his future especially if he wants it to be OUR future.

I love him dearly it would really pain me to be without him / let finances ruin our relationship but at the same time this is snow balling into a huge issue. As I’ve said I don’t want to have sex with him anymore because of this, I don’t want to go places with him or buy myself food when I’m around him. It’s just a messy situation.

If you’ve been in this situation or just have any advice at all it would be really great.

I’m at a loss right now.

TLDR; boyfriend won’t get a job and guilts me into paying for things, and eats my food.

It’s causing stress on our relationship and causing me to not want to have sex with him anymore and ruining our sex life.