When I was a child, my mom had a cousin with a son (we’ll call him L) around my age - he was maybe a year older than me. We would go to my great grandma’s house and often L would be there bc she would watch him for my mom’s cousin. As kids, we often were told to go play outside or in the bedroom so the adults could talk.

One day in particular, I remember me and L playing outside when he suggested we go inside. At the time I was around 5. Going inside meant we had to be in the bedroom so we went straight there. We weren’t there for long when he asked if I wanted to play a different game but only if I trusted him. I agreed. He told me to lay down on the bed and after I did, he laid on top of me, pressed his hips into mine repeatedly,and tried to kiss me on the lips and put his tongue in my mouth. I pushed him off and said we could play something else bc I didn’t like that. He said we could play a game where I have to take my pants off and I just ran out of the room to my mom and said I didn’t want to play with L anymore. Maybe 5 minutes later L’s mom came to get him and I never told anyone about what happened bc I didn’t want to get him in trouble. They moved away shortly after and after a couple years I basically forgot about the incident except for on rare occasions.

When I was a teenager, I was reminded of it and upon recollection, I began to think that L may have been sexually abused as a child or had witnessed sex somehow and that led to the incident. At the time I was afraid to bring it up as it had been so long and I was afraid to get in trouble for not telling sooner.

I’m now 22 which means L is also an adult and that part of the family is being investigated for sexual abuse. Rumors that L’s mom was abused by her dad and she in turn abused L.

I feel terrible that I didn’t say something when it happened and again when I was a little older. I can’t help but think I could have saved him from more possible years of abuse. I don’t know what to do or how to handle these emotions.